Friends英文剧本

兴高彩烈

Ross要做爸爸啦！ [M04]

兴高彩烈

抓紧时间再看一集老友记， [M01]

兴高彩烈

The One With the Birth

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Story by: David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Teleplay by: Jeff Greenstein & Jeff Strauss
Transcribed by: Mindy Mattingly Phillips
Minor additions and adjustments by: Dan Silverstein


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[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]

Ross: She's not here yet. She's not here. She's having my baby and she's not here.

Monica: I'm sure everything's fine. Has her water broke yet?

Ross: I don't know, but when I spoke to her, she said she had already passed the mucus plug.

(Joey makes a sound of absolute disgust.)

Joey: Do we have to know about that?

Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby?

Joey: I'm gonna be in the waitin' room, handing out cigars.

Chandler: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the 50's.

Ross: God, I don't believe this. She could be giving birth in the cab.

Rachel: Oh, Ross, relax. It's probably like two dollars for the first contraction, and then fifty cents for each additional contraction.

(Everyone looks at Rachel as though she made a tasteless comment.)

Rachel: What, it's ok when Chandler does it?

Chandler: You have to pick your moments.

(Phoebe arrives, guitar in hand.)

Phoebe: Did I miss it, did I miss it?

Ross: She's not even here yet.

Monica: What's with the guitar?

Phoebe: I just thought we might be here for awhile. You know, things might get musical.

(Carol and Susan arrive.)

Ross: (to Carol) Where the hell have you been?

Susan: We stopped at the gift shop.

Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.

Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunkys.

Chandler: I used to have that bumper sticker.

(Everyone is amused by Chandler's comment.)

Chandler: (to Rachel) You see what I mean.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and Susan are at her side.]

Ross: Stopped for a Chunky.

Carol: Let it go, Ross.

Susan: I got an extra one. You want this? (holds the candy in front of Ross' face)

Ross: (weakly) No.

(Carol's doctor, Dr. Franzblau arrives.)

Dr. Franzblau: Hey, how's my favorite parenting team doing?

Ross: Dr. Franzblau, hi.

Dr. Franzblau: So, I understand you're thinking of having a baby? Well, I see you're nine months pregnant. That's a good start. How you doing with your contractions?

Carol: Oh, I love them. Each one's like a little party in my uterus.

Susan: They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds.

Ross: 59 seconds. (holds up his watch) Quartz, ha.

Susan: Swiss quartz, ha, ha.

Carol: Am I allowed to drink anything?

Dr. Franzblau: Ice chips, just ice chips. They're at the nurses' station.

Ross: I'll get it.

Susan: No, I'm getting it. I'll be right back.

Ross: I got it—I'm getting it!

(They both leave just as Rachel enters the room, holding a cup.)

Rachel: Hi, I thought you might like some ice chips.

Carol: Thanks.

Rachel: And if you need anything else, I—(notices the handsome Dr. Franzblau)—do not believe we've met. Hi. I'm, uh, Rachel Green. I'm Carol's... ex-husband's... sister's roommate.

Dr. Franzblau: It is nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Franzblau. I'm your roommate's... brother's... ex-wife's obstetrician.

Rachel: Oh, that's funny!

[Scene: The Waiting Room, Chandler is falling asleep on Monica's shoulder.]

Monica: I want a baby.

Chandler: Mmmm. Not tonight, honey. I got an early day tomorrow.

Monica: Get up. Come on. Let's get some coffee.

Chandler: Oh, ok, 'cause we never do that.

(Chandler and Monica leave. Cut to Joey, watching the Knicks/Celtics game on television.)

Joey: (to the screen) Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot, or just fall down. That's good too.

(A young pregnant woman enters.)

Lydia: Knick fan?

Joey: Oh, yeah.

Lydia: Oh, boy, do they suck.

Joey: Hey, listen, lady....(sees that she's pregnant)...whoa.

Lydia: Look, look at your man, Ewing. Nice shot. You know what, he couldn't hit water if he was standing on a boat.

Joey: Oh yeah? And who do you like?

Lydia: The Celtics.

Joey: The Celtics? Ha. They couldn't hit a boat if...wait. They suck, alright?

Lydia: Oh, shut up. You know, it's a rebuilding year. You... waah!

Joey: Wha? Wha..aa? Let me get the father. Hey, we need a father over here! We need a father!

Lydia: There is no father.

Joey: Oh, oh, oh, sorry.

Lydia: Ok, that's ok. I'm fine. I'm... oh!

Joey: Oh, uh, ok. Right this way. All the other pregnant women seem to be goin' in here.

Lydia: Ok.

(Joey accompanies Lydia to a hospital room.)

[Scene: The Waiting Room, Phoebe is playing a song. Chandler, Monica, and Ross are there as well.]

Phoebe: (singing)

They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch,
and soon they'll grow up and resent you so much.
Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why,
you cry and you cry and you cry.
And you cry and you cry and you cry...

(Ross gives Phoebe a dollar.)

Phoebe: Thanks, Ross.

Ross: Yeah. I'm paying you to stop.

Phoebe: Ok.

(A woman passes by, carrying newborn twins.)

Phoebe: Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute.

Monica: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two?

Chandler: You'll get one.

Monica: Oh yeah? When?

Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?

Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?

Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.

Monica: Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?

Chandler: No, no, no.

Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?

Chandler: (trapped) Uh, uh.

Monica: Well?

Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in)

(Rachel enters, in a formal dress.)

Rachel: Hey.

Phoebe: Hey. Ooh, look at you, dressy-dress.

Monica: Did you go home and change?

Rachel: Yeah, well, it's an important day. I wanna look nice. Um, has uh Dr. Franzblau been by?

Monica: No, I haven't seen him.

Rachel: Well, where is he? He is supposed to be here. (Pause) What if the baby needs him?

Chandler: Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors, anyway? Was, like, your father a doctor?

Rachel: Yeah, why?

Chandler: No reason. (turns around, makes an 'Oh my God' gesture with his eyes)

[Scene: Joey and Lydia in the hospital room. Lydia is on the phone with her mother.]

Lydia: Mom, we've been through this. No, I'm not calling him. I don't care if it is his kid, the guy's a jerk. No, I'm not alone. Joey's here. (pause) What do you mean, Joey who? (covers the phone, to Joey) Joey who?

Joey: Tribbiani.

Lydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. (to Joey) She wants to talk to you. Take the phone.

Joey: (takes phone) Hi, yeah, it's me. (Listens) Oh, no no no, we're just friends. (Listens) Yeah, I'm single. (Listens) 25. (Listens) An actor. (Listens) Hello?

Lydia: She's not much of a phone person.

Joey: Yeah, so, uh, so, uh, what's the deal with this father guy, I mean, if someone was havin' my baby somewhere, I'd wanna know about it, you know?

Lydia: Hey, Knick fan, am I interested in your views on fatherhood? Uh, no.

Joey: Ok, look, maybe I should just go.

Lydia: Maybe you should.

Joey: Good luck, and uh, take care, huh?

(He leaves, but then returns a moment later.)

Joey: You know what the Celtics problem is? They let the players run the team.

Lydia: Oh, that is so not true.

Joey: Oh, it is.

Lydia: It isn't.

Joey: It is.

Lydia: Isn't!

[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Ross and Susan are coaching Carol.]

Ross: Breathe.

Susan: Breathe.

Ross: Breathe.

Susan: Breathe.

Ross: Breathe.

Susan: Breathe.

Carol: You're gonna kill me!

Ross: 15 more seconds, 14, 13, 12...

Carol: Count faster.

Susan: It's gonna be ok, just remember, we're doing this for Jordie. Just keep focusing on Jordie.

Ross: Who the hell is Jordie?

Susan: Your son.

Ross: No-no-no. I don't have a son named Jordie. We all agreed, my son's name is Jamie.

Carol: Well, Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend, so we went back to Jordie.

Ross: What? Whoa, whoa whoa whoa, what do you mean, back to Jordie? We never landed on Jordie. We just passed by it during the whole Jessy, Cody, Dylan fiasco.

Carol: Ow, ow, ow, ow, leg cramp, leg cramp, leg cramp.

Ross: I got it.

Susan: I got it.

Ross: I got it! Hey, you get to sleep with her, I get the cramps.

Susan: No, you don't.

Carol: All right, that's it. I want both of you out.

Ross: Why?

Susan: He started it!

Ross: No, you started it.

Susan: You did!

Carol: I don't care. I am trying to get a person out of my body here, and you're not making it any easier.

Ross: But...

Carol: Now go!

Ross: (to Susan) Thanks a lot.

Susan: (to Ross) See what you did.

Ross: (to Carol) Yeah, listen...

Carol: Out!

(Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital room.)

[Scene: Lydia's Hospital Room, Joey is helping Lydia go through labor, a nurse is now present in her room as well.]

Nurse: Breathe, breathe, breathe...

Lydia: Oh, no.

(Joey looks down at Lydia.)

Joey: Ew! What is that? Something exploded!

Nurse: It's just her water breaking. Calm down, will you?

Joey: (panicked) Water breaking, what do you mean? What's that, water breaking?

Nurse: (to Joey) Breathe, breathe, breathe.

[Scene: The Hall, Ross and Susan are arguing.]

Ross: Please. This is so your fault.

Susan: How, how is this my fault?

Ross: Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along.

Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.

Ross: You tryin' to be clever? A funny lady?

Susan: You know what your problem is? You're threatened by me.

Ross: Oh, I'm threatened by you?

Susan: Yes.

(Phoebe has heard them arguing and comes down the hall, taking them into a broom closet.)

Phoebe: Hey, hey, ok, all right, that's it! Get in here. Come on. My god, you guys, I don't believe you. There are children coming into the world in this very building and your negative fighting noises are not the first thing they should be hearing. So just stop all the yelling, just stop it!

Ross: Yeah, Susan.

Phoebe: Don't make me do this again, I don't like my voice like this.

(Phoebe goes to leave the room, but the door is locked.)

Phoebe: Ok, who wants to hear something ironic?

Commercial Break

[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to get out.]

All: Help!

Ross: I'm having a baby in here! Ok, everyone stand back. (Walks backwards as if he is going to break down the door, but steps in a bucket and falls) Ow.

[Scene: Carol's room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau are there with her.]

Carol: Are they here yet?

Rachel: No, honey, they're not, but don't worry, because we are going to find them, and until we do, we are all here for you, ok?

Carol: Ok.

Rachel: Ok?

Carol: Ok.

Rachel: (to Dr. Franzblau) Ok, so anyway, you were telling me about Paris, it sounds fascinating.

Dr. Franzblau: It really was. There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel. (Carol sits up in pain, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau casually lay her back down) There you go, dear.

[Scene: Lydia's Room, Joey is helping her deliver.]

Joey: Come on, Lydia, you can do it. Push! Push 'em out, push 'em out, harder, harder. Push 'em out, push 'em out, way out! Let's get that ball and really move, hey, hey, ho, ho. Let's— (notices the nurse looking at him strangely) I was just—yeah, right. Push! Push!

[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has picked up a vacuum and is holding it at the door.]

Susan: What're you gonna do, suck the door open?

Ross: Help! Help!

Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.

Susan and Ross: (even louder) Help!

[Scene: The Waiting Room, Monica is on the phone with her mother, Chandler is standing behind her.]

Monica: Now, Mom, everything's going fine, really. (Listens) Yeah, Ross is great. He's uh, he's in a whole other place. (Listens) No, he's gone. (Listens) No no, you don't have to fly back, really. (Listens) What do you mean this might be your only chance? (Listens) Would you stop? I'm only 26, I'm not even thinking about babies yet.

(Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby, puts the phone to her chest, and starts to cry. Chandler takes the phone, makes a noise in it resembling static, and hangs up. Joey enters.)

Chandler: Where have you been?

Joey: Oh, just had a baby.

Chandler: Mazel tov!

[Scene: The Waiting Room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau have gone to get coffee.]

Dr. Franzblau: I don't know, could be an hour, could be three, but relax, she's doing great. So, uh, tell me, are you currently involved with anyone?

Rachel: (anxiously) No, no, not at the moment, no, I'm not. Are you?

Dr. Franzblau: No, it's hard enough to get women to go out with me.

Rachel: Right, yeah, I've heard that about cute doctors.

Dr. Franzblau: No, no, really. I suppose it's because I spend so much time, you know, where I do.

Rachel: Oh.

Dr. Franzblau: I try not to let my work affect my personal life, but it's hard, when you... do what I do. It's like uh...Well, for instance, what do you do?

Rachel: I'm a waitress.

Dr. Franzblau: Ok, all right, well aren't there times when you come home at the end of the day, and you're just like, 'if I see one more cup of coffee'...

Rachel: (getting the point) Yeah. Gotcha.

Dr. Franzblau: I'm gonna go check up on your friend.

Rachel: Ok. That's fine. (takes her earrings out)

[Scene: The Hall Outside Lydia's Room, Joey is walking up to Lydia's room with balloons, but before he enters he sees that the baby's father has arrived. He listens at the door.]

Lydia: So how did you know I was even here?

Guy: Your mom called me. So is this her?

Lydia: No, this is a loaner.

Guy: I'm sorry you had to do this by yourself.

Lydia: I wasn't by myself. I had a doctor, a nurse, and a helper guy. (Joey smiles) So, did you see who won the game?

Guy: Yeah, the Knicks by 10. They suck.

Lydia: Yeah, they're not so bad.

(Joey closes the door and ties the balloons to the knob. Then he walks away, holding the hand of an inflated balloon animal he had brought.)

[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross is trying to open the door with a credit card, with no success.]

Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. (to Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you.

Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.

Ross: No no no, believe me. No one has been waiting for this as much as I have, ok? And you know what the funny thing is? When this day is over, you get to go home with the baby, ok? Where does that leave me?

Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.

Ross: Every day is Lesbian Lover Day.

Phoebe: This is so great.

Ross: You wanna explain that?

Phoebe: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know my dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. (pause) I'm sorry, you were fighting.

[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.]

Carol: Where are they?

Monica: I'm sure they'll be here soon.

Rachel: Yeah, honey, they wouldn't miss this.

Joey: Relax. You're only at nine centimeters. And the baby's at zero station.

Chandler: (to Joey) You are really frightening me.

(Carol suddenly screams in pain and grabs Chandler by the shirt.)

Chandler: Somebody wanna help me, tryin' to rip out my heart. (they pull her hand off of him) Uh, that's great. (looking around) Anybody seen a nipple?

Dr. Franzblau: All right, ten centimeters, here we go.

Nurse: All right, honey, time to start pushing.

Carol: But they're not here yet!

Dr. Franzblau: I'm sorry, I can't tell the baby to wait for them.

Carol: Oh, god.

[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has used a broom to open the air vent in the ceiling. Phoebe is wearing a janitor's uniform, ready to go up in the vent.]

Ross: Ok, got the vent open.

Phoebe: (reading the nametag on the uniform) Hi, I'm Ben. I'm hospital worker Ben. It's Ben... to the rescue!

Ross: Ben, you ready? All right, gimme your foot. Ok, on three, Ben. One, two, three. Ok, That's it, Ben.

(Ross and Susan lift Phoebe up into the vent.)

Susan: What do you see?

Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.

(A janitor opens the closet door from the outside.)

Ross: Phoebs, It's open! It's open!

(Ross and Susan run to the delivery room, leaving Phoebe dangling from the vent.)

Janitor: (to Ross and Susan) Wait! You forgot your legs!

[Scene: Carol's Room, Ross and Susan rush in.]

All: Push, push!

Ross: We're here!

Carol: (irked) Where have you been?

Ross: Long story, honey.

Dr. Franzblau: All right, Carol, I need you to keep pushing. I need—(reaches for an instrument, Rachel's hand is on it) Excuse me, could I have this?

Nurse: All right, all right, there's a few too many people in this room, and there's about to be one more, so anybody who's not an ex-husband or a lesbian life partner, out you go!

All: Good luck!

(Everyone heads for the door.)

Chandler: (to nurse) Let me ask you, do you have to be Carol's lesbian life partner?

Nurse: Out!

Dr. Franzblau: All right, he's crowning. Here he comes.

Ross: Let me see, I gotta see, I gotta see. Oh, a head. Oh, it's, it's huge. Carol, how are you doing this?

Carol: (straining) Not.... helping!

Dr. Franzblau: You're doing great, you're doing fine.

Ross: (puts his head near the baby) Hello! (to Dr. Franzblau) Oh, sorry.

Susan: What do you see? What do you see?

Ross: We got a head, we got shoulders, we got arms, we got, oh, look at the little fingers, oh, and a chest, and a stomach. It's a boy, definitely a boy! All right! Ok, legs, knees, and feet. Oh, oh. He's here. He's a person.

Susan: Oh, look at that.

Carol: What does he look like?

Ross: Kinda like my uncle Ed, covered in Jell-o.

Carol: Really?

Phoebe: (from the air vent overhead) You guys, he's beautiful!

Ross: Oh, thanks, Pheebs!

(They look up towards the vent and wave at Phoebe.)

[Scene: The Delivery Room, Carol is holding the infant.]

Susan: No shouting, but we still need a name for this little guy.

Ross: (thinking) How 'bout Ben?

Susan: I like Ben.

Carol: Ben. Ben. Ben's good. How come you never mentioned Ben before?

Ross: We uh, we just cooked it up.

Susan: That's what we were off doing.

(Monica opens the door.)

Monica: Hi.

Ross: Hey.

Monica: Can we come in?

(The whole gang enters.)

Ross: (to Ben) I know, I know. Everybody, there's someone I'd like you to meet. Yeah. This is Ben. Ben, this is everybody.

Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you.

Susan: Thanks.

Rachel: Oh, god, I can't believe one of us actually has one of these.

Chandler: I know, I still am one of these.

Monica: Ross, can I?

(Monica holds Ben.)

Ross: The head, the head. You gotta...

Monica: (getting choked up) Hi, Ben. Hi. I'm your Aunt Monica. Yes I am. I'm your Aunt Monica. I...I will always have gum.

Closing Credits

[Scene: The Hospital, the camera is placed as though it were Ben's eyes.]

Ross: Ben, I want you to know that there may be some times when I may not be around, like this. (walks out of the picture) But I'll still always come back, like this. (returns) And sometimes I may be away longer, like this. (walks away) But I'll still always come back, like this. (returns)

(Chandler comes into the picture.)

Chandler: And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third, and I'll go like this. (Does a baseball sign.)

(The rest of the group come into the picture.)

Monica: He is so amazing.

Rachel: Oh, I know. Look at him.

Joey: Ben, Ben, hey Ben. Nothing. I don't think that's his name.

Phoebe: Oh, look, look, he's closing his eyes. (screen goes blank) Look, he's opening his eyes. (picture comes back)

Joey: He doesn't do much, does he?

Ross: No, this is pretty much it.

(long moment of silence)

Rachel: You guys wanna get some coffee?

All: Yeah.

Ross: All right, I'll see you guys later.

(They all leave but Ross, but they all come back a few seconds later. They make faces at the baby.)

Phoebe: Oh, look, he's closing his eyes again.

(The screen fades to black.)

End

兴高彩烈

Ross终于有了一个可爱的儿子Ben， [M31]

黎明一刻

进来逛逛。。。。。。 [M04]

兴高彩烈

有何高见？ [M05]

兴高彩烈

抄单词抄得手痛，休息一下再看看老友记吧， [M24]

看看做了爸爸以后的Ross怎么样……

兴高彩烈

The One Where Rachel Finds Out

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Written by: Chris Brown
Transcribed by: Dan Silverstein


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[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there, Ross is showing pictures of his new baby boy, Ben, to the group.]

Ross: And here's little Ben nodding off...

Monica: Awww, look at Aunt Monica's little boy!

Phoebe: Oh, look, he's got Ross's haircut!

Rachel: Oh, let me see! (grabs picture) Oh, God, is he just the sweetest thing? You must just want to kiss him all over!

(Ross is practically drooling over Rachel at this point.)

Ross: (quietly) That would be nice.

(Chandler, annoyed with Ross's fawning, makes a 'pfft' noise.)

Rachel: Pardon?

Chandler: Nothing, just a little extra air in my mouth. Pffft. Pffffffft. (walks over to where Joey is seated)

(Joey is looking at his check.)

Joey: Hey, Chan, can you help me out here? I promise I'll pay you back.

Chandler: Oh, yeah, right, OK... inlcuding the waffles last week, you now owe me... 17 jillion dollars.

Joey: I will, really. I'll pay you back this time.

Chandler: (sigh)... And where's this money coming from? (gives money to Joey)

Joey: Well... I'm helping out down at the N.Y.U. Med School with some... research.

Ross: (overhearing) What kind of research?

Joey: Oh, just, y'know.... science.

Ross: Science. Yeah, I think I've heard of that. (everyone's interest is piqued, they all look over)

Joey: (sigh)... It's a fertility study.

(Rachel laughs.)

Monica: Oh, Joey, please tell me you're only donating your time.

Joey: Alright, come on you guys, it's not that big a deal. Really... I mean, I just go down there every other day and... make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey, but at the end of two weeks, I get seven hundred dollars.

Ross: Hey.

Phoebe: Wow, ooh, you're gonna be making money hand over fist!

Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are preparing for a barbecue for Rachel's birthday.]

Monica: OK, we got the cole slaw, we got the buns...

Phoebe: We've got the ground-up flesh of formerly cute cows and turkeys, ew... (hands meat to Monica)

(Chandler and Joey enter with charcoal.)

Chandler: (in a deep voice) Men are here.

Joey: We make fire. Cook meat.

Chandler: Then put out fire by peeing, no get invited back.

Monica and Phoebe: Ewww!

Monica: Oh Joey, Melanie called, said she's gonna be late.

Joey: Oh, OK.

Phoebe: So how are things going with you two? Is she becoming your (provocatively) special someone?

Joey: I don't know, she's, uh.... she's pretty great.

Monica: Yeah? What does she think of your little science project?

Joey: What, you think I'm gonna tell a girl I like that I'm also seeing a cup?

Monica: Man's got a point.

Joey: Well, the tough thing is, she really wants to have sex with me.

Chandler: Crazy bitch.

Joey: Yeah, well, I still got a week left to go in the program, and according to the rules, if I want to get the money I'm not allowed to conduct any... ersonal experiments, if you know what I mean.

Monica: Joey... we always know what you mean.

[Time lapse. Chandler and Joey are making the fire, Monica and Phoebe are inside. Ross enters, carrying luggage.]

Phoebe: Hey.

Monica: Hey.

Ross: Hey. (Phoebe sees his bags)

Phoebe: How long did you think this barbecue was gonna last?

Ross: I'm going to China.

Phoebe: Jeez, you say one thing, and...

Monica: You're going to China?

Ross: Yeah, i-it's for the museum. Someone found a bone, we want the bone, but they don't want us to have the bone, so I'm going over there to try to persuade them to give us the bo—it's—it's a whole big bone thing. Anyway, I'm gonna be gone for like, uh... like a week, so, uh, if you wanna reach me, y-you can't. So here's my itinerary (hands a sheet of paper to Monica). Um... here's a picture of me... (hands it to Monica)

Phoebe: Oh, let me see! (takes the picture)

Ross: (to Monica): Could you take it to Carol's every now and then, and show it to Ben, just so he doesn't forget me?

Monica: Yeah.

(Phoebe puts the picture of Ross up to her face.)

Phoebe: Hi, Ben. I'm your father. I am... the head. Aaaaaahhhh.... (puts picture down, sees Ross staring at her) Alright, this barbecue is gonna be very fun.

Ross: Hey, is Rachel here? Um, I wanted to wish her a happy birthday before I left.

Monica: Oh no, she's out having drinks with Carl.

Ross: Oh. (pause) Hey, who's Carl?

Monica: You know, that guy she met at the coffeehouse.

Ross: No.

Phoebe: Oh, well, see, there's this guy she met at the...

Ross: At the coffeehouse, right.

Phoebe: So you do know who he is! (laughs, Ross stares at her) Sorry.

Ross: OK, I'm gonna go say goodbye to the guys.

Phoebe: Oh, hey, y'know what? Tell them that bone story.

(Ross goes outisde on the balcony.)

Ross: Hi.

Joey: Hey!

Chandler: Hey!

Ross: (sigh)....I have to go to China.

Joey: The country?

Ross: No no, this big pile of dishes in my mom's breakfront. Do you guys know who Carl is?

Chandler: Uh, let's see... Alvin... Simon... Theodore.... no.

Ross: Well, Rachel's having drinks with him tonight.

Joey: Oh no! How can she do that when she's never shown any interest in you?!?

Chandler: Forget about her.

Joey: He's right, man. Please. Move on. Go to China. Eat Chinese food.

Chandler: Course there, they just call it food.

Ross: Yeah... I guess. I don't—I don't know. Alright, just... just give her this for me, OK? (gives Chandler a gift for Rachel)

Joey: Listen, buddy, we're just looking out for you.

Ross: I know.

Joey: We want you to be happy. And I may only have a couple beers in me, but... I love you, man. (Joey gives Ross a hug)

Chandler: I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice.

[Time lapse. Melanie, Joey's girlfriend, is there with Joey, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel. Ross is gone.]

Melanie: Anyway, that's when me and my friends started this whole fruit basket business. We call ourselves 'The Three Basketeers.'

Joey: Like the three musketeers, only with fruit.

Chandler: (sarcastic) Ooooh. (looks dumbfounded at Joey's stupidity)

Monica: (gets up) OK, how does everybody like their burgers?

Rachel: Oh, no, no, no. Presents first. Food later. (walks into living room)

(Everyone follows Rachel to the living room. Monica pulls Joey aside.)

Monica: Hey, hold on there, tiger. How's it going? How you holding up?

Joey: Well, not so good. She definitely thinks tonight is the night we're gonna... complete the transaction, if you know what I...

(Monica rolls her eyes.)

Joey: Then you do. Heh, heh.

Monica: So, uh, have you ever thought about being there for her?

Joey: What do you mean?

Monica: Y'know, just be there for her.

(Long pause... Joey looks confused.)

Joey: Not following you.

Monica: Think about it.

(They both walk over to where Rachel is opening her gifts. Rachel sees her first gift is a fruit basket.)

Rachel: OK, I'm guessing this is from...

(Melanie smiles.)

Rachel: Well, thank you, Melanie.

Chandler: (pointing out a gift) OK, this one right here is from me.

Rachel: (picks it up) OK... ah, it's light... (shakes it)...it rattles... it's... (opens it) Travel Scrabble! Oooohhh, thank you! (she gives it back to him)

(Chandler looks dejected. Rachel picks up another gift.)

Rachel: This one's from Joey... feels like a book. Thinks it's a book... feels like a book. And...(opens it)...it's a book!

Phoebe: Oh, it's Dr. Seuss!

Joey: (to Rachel): That book got me through some tough times.

Melanie: There is a little child inside this man!

Chandler: Yes, the doctors say if they remove it, he'll die.

(Rachel picks up the next gift.)

Rachel: Who's this from?

Chandler: Oh, that's Ross's.

Rachel: Oh... (opens it)... (sees it is a pin) Oh my God. He remembered.

Phoebe: Remembered what?

Rachel: It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered!

Chandler: Well, sure, but can you play it on a plane? (pats his Travel Scrabble game)

Phoebe: Oh, it's so pretty. This must have cost him a fortune.

Monica: I can't believe he did this.

Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?

(Everyone looks at him. He realizes he just spilled the beans about Ross's crush on Rachel. You can hear this entire classic scene by clicking here.)

Rachel: What did you just say?

Chandler: (panicked) ahem... um... Crystal duck.

Rachel: No, no, no.... the, um, the... 'love' part?

Chandler: (stuttering incoherently) F-hah.... flennin....

Rachel: Oh.... my God.

Chandler: (rubbing his temples) Oh, no-no-no-no-no....

Joey: (pats Chandler on the leg) That's good, just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]

Rachel: I mean, this is unbelievable.

Phoebe: I know. This is really, really huge.

Chandler: No it's not. It's small. It's tiny. It's petite. It's wee.

Phoebe: Nuh-uh. I don't think any of our lives are ever gonna be the same ever again.

Chandler: OK, is there a mute button on this woman?

Monica: I think this is so great! I mean, you and Ross! D-did you have any idea?

Rachel: No! None! I mean, my first night in the city, he mentioned something about asking me out, but nothing ever happened, so I just... (to Joey): W-well, what else did he say? I mean, does he, like, want to go out with me?

Joey: Well, given that he's desperately in love with you, he probably wouldn't mind getting a cup of coffee or something.

Rachel: Ross? All this time? Well, I've got to talk to him. (gets up to leave)

Chandler: (quickly) H-He's in China!

Joey: The country.

Monica: No, no, wait. (checks Ross's itinerary) His flight doesn't leave for another forty-five more minutes.

Chandler: What about the time difference?

Monica: From here to the airport?

Chandler: Yes! (Rachel walks towards door) You're never gonna make it!

Monica: Rachel, what're you gonna say to him?

Rachel: I-I-I don't know.

Chandler: Well then maybe you shouldn't go.

Joey: He's right, cause if you're just gonna, like, break his heart, that's the kind of thing that can wait.

Monica: Yeah, but if it's good news, you should tell him now.

Rachel: I don't know. Maybe I'll know when I see him.

Phoebe: Here, look, alright, does this help?

(Phoebe gets up, holds the picture of Ross up to her face.)

Rachel: Noooo... look, all I know is that I cannot wait a week until I see him. I mean, this is just too big. Y'know, I just, I've just gotta talk to him. I... I gotta... OK, I'll see you later. (opens door)

Chandler: Rachel, I love you! Deal with me first! (she leaves)

[Scene: Airport, Ross has headphones on, and is listening to a 'How To Speak Chinese' tape. Occasionally, he makes an outburst in Chinese in accordance with the tape. He is getting on the jetway. The flight attendant is there.]

Ross: (something in Chinese)

Flight Attendant: Alright!

Ross: Ni-chou chi-ma! (walks onto jetway)

(Rachel runs into the airport, trying to catch Ross, moving people out of the way.)

Rachel: Ross! Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me....

(Rachel gets up to the jetway.)

Flight Attendant: Hi!

Rachel: Hi.

Flight Attendant: May I see your boarding pass?

Rachel: Oh, no, no, I don't have one. I just need to talk to my friend.

Flight Attendant: Oh, oooh. I'm sorry. You are not allowed on the jetway unless you have a boarding pass.

Rachel: No, I know, but I—he just went on. He's right there, he's got the blue jacket on, I... can I j-just...

Flight Attendant: No no no! Federal regulations!

Rachel: OK, alright, OK, um... then could you please, uh... just give him a message for me? Please? This is very important.

Flight Attendant: Alright. What's the message?

Rachel: Uh... I don't know.

[Cut to the Jetway, the flight attendant enters, walks past Ross, and approaches an older man with his wife who is also wearing a blue jacket.]

Flight Attendant: Sir? Sir? Excuse me, sir? Uh... I have a message for you.

Man: (confused) What?

Flight Attendant: It's from Rachel. She said that she loved the present, and she will see you when you get back.

Man: (to wife): Toby... Oh, for God's sake, I don't know what she's talking about! There's no Rachel! Don't give me that deep freeze.

[Scene: Joey's Bedroom, he and Melanie are in bed together.]

Melanie: Mmmmmm... Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey... I think I blacked out there for a minute!

Joey: Heh, heh. It was nothin'.

Melanie: Well, now we've gotta find something fun for you! (she starts kissing his chest)

Joey: (panicked) Uhhh.. y'know what? Forget about me. Let's, uh... let's give you another turn.

Melanie: (surprised) M-Me again?

Joey: Sure! Why not?

Melanie: Boy, somebody's gonna get a big fruit basket tomorrow.

(Joey starts to kiss her.)

Melanie: Oooh, I gotta tell you... you are nothing like I thought you would be.

Joey: How do you mean?

Melanie: I don't know, I-I guess I just had you pegged as one of those guys who're always 'me, me, me.' But you... you're a giver. You're like the most generous man I ever met. I mean... you're practically a woman.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are there. Monica is holding the wrapping paper from one of Rachel's gifts.]

Monica: Uh, so, uh, Rach, uh... do you wanna save this wrapping paper, I mean, it's only a little bit torn... so are you gonna go for it with Ross or should I just throw it out?

Rachel: I don't know. I don't know... I thought about it all the way there, and I thought about it all the way back... and, uh, oh, you guys, y'know, it's Ross. Y'know what I mean? I mean, it's Ross.

Monica and Phoebe: Sure.

Rachel: I don't know, I mean, this is just my initial gut feeling... but I'm thinking... oh, I'm thinking it'd be really great.

Monica: Oh my God, me too! Oh! Oh, we'd be like friends-in-law! Y'know what the best part is? The best part is that you already know everything about him! I mean, it's like starting on the fifteenth date!

Phoebe: Yeah, but, y'know, it's... it would be like starting on the fifteenth date.

Monica: Another good point.

Phoebe: No, I mean, I mean, when you're at the fifteenth date, y'know, you're already in a very relationshippy place. Y'know, it's... you're committed.

Rachel: (confused) Huh?

Phoebe: Well, I mean, then what happens if it doesn't work out?

Monica: Why isn't it working out?

Rachel: I don't know... sometimes it doesn't.

Monica: Is he not cute enough for you?

Rachel: No!

Monica: Does he not make enough money?

Rachel: No, I'm just....

Phoebe: Maybe there's someone else.

Rachel: Wha...

Monica: Is there? Is there someone else?

Rachel: No! There is.. there is noone else!

Monica: Then why the hell are you dumping my brother?!?

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is eating breakfast, Joey quietly opens his bedroom door.]

Chandler: Hey, big...

Joey: Shhhh!

Chandler: (quietly) ...spender.

Joey: She's still asleep.

Chandler: So how'd it go?

Joey: Oh, it was amazing. You know how you always think you're great in bed?

Chandler: The fact that you'd even ask that question shows how little you know me.

Joey: Well, it's like, last night, I couldn't do the thing that usually makes me great. So I had to do all this other stuff. And the response I got... man, oh man, it was like a ticker tape parade!

Chandler: Yes, I know, as it happens my room is very very close to the parade route.

Joey: It was amazing! And not just for her... uh-uh. For me, too. It's like, all of a sudden, I'm blind. But all my other senses are heightened, y'know? It's like... I was able to appreciate it on another level.

Chandler: I didn't know you had another level.

Joey: I know! Neither did I!

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, one week later. Monica is seated, Rachel comes out of her bedroom.]

Monica: Hey, great skirt! Birthday present?

Rachel: Yeah.

Monica: Oh, from who?

Rachel: From you. I exchanged the blouse you got me.

Monica: Well, it's the thought. Hey, doesn't Ross's flight get in in a couple hours? At gate 27-B?

Rachel: Uh, yeah. Uh, Monica, y'know, honey, I've been thinking about it and I've decided this—this whole Ross thing, it's just not a good idea.

Monica: Oh, why?

Rachel: Because, I feel like I wouldn't just be going out with him. I would be going out with all of you. Oh, and there would just be all this pressure, and I don't wanna...

Monica: (gets up) No, no, no, no, no, no pressure, no pressure!

Rachel: Monica, nothing has even happened yet, and you're already so...

Monica: I am not 'so'! OK, I was a teensy bit weird at first, but... I'll be good. I promise.

(Door buzzer goes off. Rachel answers it.)

Rachel: Who is it?

Intercom: It's me, Carl.

Rachel: C'mon up.

Monica: Behind my brother's back? (Rachel glares at her) ... is exactly the kind of crazy thing you won't be hearing from me.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is seated, and the apartment is filled with baskets of fruit. Joey enters, check in hand.]

Joey: Seven hundred bucks!

Chandler: Alright, you did it! Do we have any fruit?

Joey: Man, hell of a two weeks, huh? Y'know what, though? I really feel like I learned something.

Chandler: Really? So, you're gonna stick with this 'it's all for her' thing?

Joey: What, are you crazy? When a blind man gets his sight back, does he walk around like this? (Joey closes his eyes and walks around with arms spread.)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is having drinks with her date, Carl.]

Carl: I'm just sayin', if I see one more picture of Ed Begley, Jr. in that stupid electric car, I'm gonna shoot myself! I mean, don't get me wrong... I'm not against environmental issues per se.... it's just that guy!

(Rachel looks bored. At this point, Ross—a figment of Rachel's imagination— shows up on the balcony and starts talking to her.)

Ross: I can't believe you'd rather go out with him than me.

Rachel: Would you excuse me, please? I'm trying to have a date here.

Ross: Fine, just stop thinking about me.

(She tries, and Ross disappears momentarily. He reappears, standing closer to her.)

Ross: Can't do it, can you?

Rachel: So I'm thinking about you. So what?

Ross: I don't get it. What do you see in this guy, anyway?

Rachel: Well... he happens to be a very nice... guy....

Carl: I mean, come on, buddy, get a real car!

Ross: Rachel, come on. Give us a chance.

Rachel: Ross, it's too hard.

Ross: No, no, no... why, because it might get weird for everyone else? Who cares about them. This is about us. Look, I-I've been in love with you since, like, the ninth grade.

Rachel: Ross, you're like my best friend.

Ross: I know.

Rachel: If we broke up, and I lost you...

Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What makes you think we're gonna break up?

Rachel: Well, have you been involved with someone where you haven't broken up?

Ross: (pause) No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, you and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I mean... so, the only question is... are you attracted to me?

Rachel: I don't know... I mean, I've never looked at you that way before.

Ross: Well, start looking.

(They kiss. Ross walks away, and then fades out.)

Rachel: Wow.

Carl: Exactly! And you just know I'm gonna be the guy caught behind this hammerhead in traffic!

Rachel: Right! You're right!

Carl: Heh... y'know?

Rachel: You know what?

Carl: What?

Rachel: I forgot... I am supposed to pick up a friend at the airport. I am so sorry! I'm so... if you want to stay, and finish your drinks, please do.... (gives him her drink) I mean—I'm sorry. I-I-I gotta go. I'm sorry.

(Rachel leaves.)

Carl: But...

[Scene: Airport. Madonna's Take A Bow plays in the background as Rachel waits at the gate with flowers.]

Rachel: (sifting through crowd) Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me, excuse me, sorry. Hi.

[Cut to the jetway, the old man who the flight attendant delivered Rachel's message to gets off the plane, his wife still upset with him.]

Man: For God's sake, will you let it go? There's no Rachel!

(A Chinese woman getting off the plane drops one of her bags. Ross gets off next.)

Ross: Oh, hey, hey, I got that.

(Ross picks up the bag... then he and the woman kiss.)

Julie: Oh, thanks, sweetie.

Ross: No problem. I cannot wait for you to meet my friends.

Julie: Really?

Ross: Yeah.

Julie: You don't think they'll judge and ridicule me?

Ross: No, no, they will. I just... uh...

Ross and Julie: Can't wait.

Ross: Come on, they're gonna love you.

[Cut to a close-up of Rachel, eagerly awaiting Ross's arrival... not knowing he is getting off the plane with another woman.]

End

兴高彩烈

呵呵，这几个家伙的对话实在太有趣了。

Ross带着行李参加Rachal的生日BBQ，Pheeb不问他想干吗，反而直接问：
Phoebe: How long did you think this barbecue was gonna last?

[M04]

兴高彩烈

Chandler无意中对Rachal揭穿Ross迷恋她，尴尬之际Phoebe还在罗罗嗦嗦，于是Chandler说：

Chandler: OK, is there a mute button on this woman?

真的很形象呀， [M02]

兴高彩烈

可怜的Rachel……

当她终于意识到自己也爱Ross并准备去机场把这个消息告诉他的时候，Ross在中国认识了一个女朋友……

兴高彩烈

原来不知不觉之中，第一季已经连载完毕啦……

OK，现在看看Ross和Rachel的感情故事是如何发展的吧， [M05]

兴高彩烈

The One With Ross' New Girlfriend

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Originally written by Jeff Astroff and Mike Sikowitz
Transcribed by Mindy Mattingly Phillips.
With Minor Adjustments by: Eric Aasen


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is recapping last season, and as she talks we see a montague of scenes from Ross and Rachel.]

PHOEBE: Ok, so this is pretty much what's happened so far. Ross was in love with Rachel since, you know, forever, but every time he tried to tell her, something kind of got in the way, like cats, and Italian guys. Finally Chandler was like "forget about her" but when Ross was in China on his dig, Chandler let it slip that Ross was in love with Rachel. She was like, "Oh my god." So she went to the airport to meet him when he came back, but what she didn't know was, that Ross was getting off the plane with another woman. Uh-Oh! So, that's pretty much everything you need to know. But, enough about us. So, how've you been?

OPENING CREDITS

[Scene, The Airport, continued from last season, Rachel is waiting for Ross to come of the plane, when she sees he's coming off with another woman.]

RACHEL: Oh my god. Oh my god. (She decides to make a break for it.) Excuse me. Move! Move! Emergency! Excuse me! (She tries climbing over a bench and falls down.)

ROSS: Rache!

RACHEL: Oh, there you are! Hi! Oh, so, so, how was China, you? (Hits him with the flowers.)

ROSS: It was, it was great. Oh, what happened?

RACHEL: What?

ROSS: You're bleeding.

RACHEL: I am? Oh, look at that, yes I am. Enough about me, enough about me, Mr. Back from the Orient. I wanna hear everything! (Looks at Julie)

ROSS: Well, where do I start? This is Julie. Julie, this is Rachel.

RACHEL: These are, these aren't for you. (to Julie) These are for you. (Loudly, thinking she can't speak English.) Welcome to our country.

JULIE: (Loudly, proving she can speak English.) Thank you. I'm from New York.

RACHEL: Ok, well, not a problem. We'll just use them to stop the bleeding. Ok. Baggage claim? Ok.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is waiting for Rachel to return from the airport with Ross.]

CHANDLER: No way!

MONICA: I'm telling you, she went to the airport, and she's gonna go for it with Ross!

PHOEBE: Oh my god. This is huge. This is bigger than huge. This is like, all right, what's bigger than huge?

JOEY: Um, this?

PHOEBE: Yes.

MONICA: Guys, you got your hair cut.

CHANDLER: Yes, yes, we did, thanks to Vidal Buffay.

PHOEBE: 'Cause, you know, (in that voice) if you don't look good, we don't look good. I love that voice.

RACHEL: (entering, out of breath) Airport, airport. Ross, not alone, Julie, arm around her. Cramp, cramp.

CHANDLER: Ok, I think she's trying to tell us something. Quick, get the verbs.

RACHEL: (to Chandler) You, you, you said he liked me. (Ross and Julie enter) You, you slowpokes!

ROSS: That's all right, Rache, we got the bags. Hi, hello. Julie, this is my sister Monica. This is Chandler. Phoebe. Joey, what up?

JOEY: What up?!

ROSS: Everyone, this is Julie.

RACHEL: (out of breath) Julie.

ALL: Ohh. (Happily) Hi!

JULIE: Hi, but I'm not here, you haven't met me. I'll make a much better first impression tomorrow when I don't have 20 hours of cab and plane on me.

ROSS: And bus.

JULIE: Oh my god.

ROSS: The screaming guy?

JULIE: And the spitting?

ROSS: You gotta hear this story.

JULIE: We're on this bus, that's easily 200 years old...

ROSS: At least.

JULIE: ...and this guy--

RACHEL: And the chicken poops in her lap. Oh, I'm so sorry. I just gave away the ending, didn't I? Oh! It's just, I just heard this story in the cab, and it is all I can think about.

MONICA: This is amazing. I mean, how, how did this happen?

JULIE: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together.

ROSS: But we haven't seen each other since then. Well I land in China, guess who's in charge of the dig.

RACHEL: Julie! Julie, isn't that great? I mean, isn't that just kick- you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?

MONICA: It's an expression.

ROSS: Well, we just wanted to say a quick hi, and then we're gonna go see the baby.

JULIE: And then we've gotta get some sleep.

ROSS: Yeah, it's really 6:00 tomorrow night our time.

CHANDLER: Well, listen, don't tell us what's gonna happen though, 'cause I like to be surprised.

(Ross and Julie exit)

RACHEL: Bye. (She closes the door and everyone tries to sympathize with her.)

[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler enter.]

ROSS: Hey, Rache, can I get some coffee?

RACHEL: Yeah, sure.

ROSS: Thank you.

CHANDLER: Hey, Rache, can I get--

RACHEL: Did you talk to him?

CHANDLER: Not yet.

RACHEL: Then, no.

(He goes to sit down next to Ross.)

CHANDLER: So what the hell happened to you in China? I mean, when last we left you, you were totally in love with, you know.

ROSS: I know, I know I was, but there was always this little voice inside that kept saying it's never gonna happen, move on. You know whose voice that was?

CHANDLER: God?

ROSS: It was you, pal.

CHANDLER: Well, maybe it was God, doing me.

ROSS: Look, you were right. She looks at me and sees a friend, that's all. But then I met Julie, and I don't know, we're havin' a great time. And I have to say, I never would've gone for it with her if it hadn't been for you.

CHANDLER: Well, you owe me one, big guy.

RACHEL: Here's your lemonade.

ROSS: I didn't order lemonade.

RACHEL: Oh. Well then, you better go take that back because they're gonna charge you for that.

ROSS: But--

RACHEL: Go go go go, come on! (to Chandler) So then, well, what did you find out?

CHANDLER: He said, he said that they're having a great time. I'm sorry. But, the silver lining, if you wanna see it, is that he made the decision all by himself without any outside help whatsoever.

RACHEL: How is that the silver lining?

CHANDLER: You have to really wanna see it.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and the gang is watching TV.]

ROSS: Ironically, these are the guys who were picked last in gym.

[cut to Phoebe and Monica in the kitchen.]

MONICA: Phoebes, you know what I'm thinking?

PHOEBE: Oh, ok. How, it's been so long since you've had sex, you're wondering if they've changed it?

MONICA: No, although now that's what I'm thinking.

PHOEBE: All right, so what were you thinking?

MONICA: Well, I was thinking, that you gave the guys such great haircuts, I thought, maybe you'd like to do mine?

PHOEBE: Ohh! No.

MONICA: Why not?

PHOEBE: Because, I'm just, I'm incredibly anal and an unbelievable control freak.

MONICA: No you're not.

PHOEBE: I know I'm not, but you are, and I was trying to spare your feelings.

(The phone rings.)

JOEY: (answering the phone) Hello? Oh, hi. Yeah, hold on a second. Ross, it's Julie, for you. (Throws him the phone.)

ROSS: (on phone) Hello? Hi.

CHANDLER: (entering) Hi. Anybody know a good tailor?

JOEY: Needs some clothes altered?

CHANDLER: No, no, I'm just looking for a man to draw on me with chalk.

JOEY: Why don't you go see Frankie? My family's been goin' to him forever. He did my first suit when I was 15. No wait, 16. No, 'scuse me, 15. (still confused) All right, when was 1990?

CHANDLER: You have to stop the Q-tip when there's resistance!

ROSS: (on phone) Ok, ok, sweetheart, I'll see you later. Ok, bye. What? Oh, that is so sweet. No, no, ok, you hang up. Ok, ok, one, two, three. (motions for Rachel to be quiet) Well you didn't hang up either.

RACHEL: She didn't hang up either!

ROSS: Ok, no, no, you hang up. You, you, y--

RACHEL: (taking the phone and hanging it up) Sorry, I thought you were talking to me.

ROSS: Rachel! I'll just call her back.

RACHEL: Okay!

ROSS: (calls Julie back) Hi? Sorry, we got disconnected...

RACHEL: Ok, ok, ok. How did this happen to me? How did this happen to me? A week ago, two weeks ago, I was fine. Ross was just Ross, just this guy. Now he's Rrrooossss, oh, this really great guy that I can't have.

MONICA: Sweetie, I wanted you to have him too.

RACHEL: I know you did. I'm just gonna deal with it, I'm just gonna deal with it. (Ross comes by, smoching with Julie on the phone.) I gotta get out of here.

CHANDLER: Ok, I don't care what you guys say, something's bothering her.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning.]

JOEY: You know, I think I was sixteen.

MONICA: Please, just a little bit off the back.

PHOEBE: I'm still on "no".

RACHEL: (poking her head in from her bedroom) Uh, morning. Do you guys think you could close your eyes for just a sec?

JOEY: No no no no no, (grabs his pants) I'm not fallin' for that again.

PHOEBE: What's goin' on?

RACHEL: Well, I sorta did a stupid thing last night.

CHANDLER: What stupid thing did you do?

PAOLO: Bon giorno tutti!

PHOEBE: Ewww!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's continued from earlier.]

RACHEL: Ok, Paulo, why don't you just go get dressed, and then you be on your way, ok, bye-bye.

MONICA: Rachel, how did this happen?

RACHEL: I don't know, I just kinda ran into him last night.

PHOEBE: Where?

RACHEL: At his apartment. Is this juice?

JOEY: Whoa, whoa. And the fact that you dumped him because he hit on Phoebe?

RACHEL: Oh God, I know I'm a pathetic loser.

MONICA: Honey, you're not pathetic, you're sad.

CHANDLER: People do stupid things when they're upset.

MONICA: My god, if I had a nickel for every guy I wish I hadn't--but this is about your horrible mistake.

ROSS: Hi. Sorry we're late but we were--well, there was touching.

PAOLO: Hey, hey Ross.

ROSS: Hey, Paulo. What are you doing here?

PAOLO: I do Raquel.

ROSS: (to Rachel) So, uh, he's back.

RACHEL: Yeah, he's back. Is that a problem?

ROSS: No, not a problem.

RACHEL: Good! I'm glad it's not a problem.

PHOEBE: Ok, you're gonna have to not touch my ass.

CHANDLER: Well, in spite of the yummy bagels and palpable tension, I've got pants that need to be altered.

JOEY: Hey, Chandler, when you see Frankie, tell him Joey Tribbiani says hello. He'll know what it means.

CHANDLER: Are you sure he's gonna be able to crack that code?

MONICA: You know it's funny, the last time Paulo was here, my hair was so much shorter and cuter.

PHOEBE: All right. Ok, but, but you have to promise that you will not be all like control-y and bossy and Monica about it.

MONICA: I promise.

PHOEBE: All right. Now some of you are gonna get cut, and some of you aren't. But I promise none of you are gonna feel a thing.

[Scene: Monica's bedroom, Phoebe is finishing with her haircut.]

PHOEBE: All right, that's it, I quit.

MONICA: What? I didn't say anything.

PHOEBE: Yeah, but this isn't the face of a person who trusts a person. Ok, this is the face of a person who, you know, doesn't trust a person.

MONICA: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Phoebe. It's just a little shorter than what we had discussed.

PHOEBE: Would you relax? I know what I am doing. This is how he wears it.

MONICA: How who wears it?

PHOEBE: Demi Moore.

MONICA: Demi Moore is not a he.

PHOEBE: Well, he was a he in Arthur, and in Ten.

MONICA: That's Dudley Moore. I said I wanted it like Demi Moore.

PHOEBE: Oh, oh, oh my god!

MONICA: Oh my god!

PHOEBE: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Which one's Demi Moore?

MONICA: She's the actress who was in Disclosure, Indecent Proposal, Ghost.

PHOEBE: Oh, she's got gorgeous hair.

MONICA: I KNOW!

[Scene: Frank's tailor shop, Chandler is getting his pants altered.]

FRANKIE: How long do you want the cuffs?

CHANDLER: At least as long as I have the pants.

FRANKIE: I just got that. Ok, now we'll do your inseam.

(He slowly measures it up his leg, and Chandler makes a rather surprised face.)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is recovering from her haircut, Phoebe is playing her doctor and is coming in from the bedroom.]

RACHEL: How is she?

PHOEBE: It's too soon to tell. She's resting, which is a good sign.

ROSS: How's the hair?

PHOEBE: I'm not gonna lie to you, Ross, it doesn't look good. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling.

JOEY: Can we see her?

PHOEBE: Your hair looks too good, I think it would upset her. Ross, you come on in. (They go into the bedroom leaving Joey and Rachel alone.)

JOEY: How're you doing?

RACHEL: I'm ok.

JOEY: Ooh, that bad, huh? Look, I can sense when women are depressed and vulnerable. It's one of my gifts.

RACHEL: When I saw him get off that plane with her, I really thought I hit rock bottom. But today, it's like there's rock bottom, then 50 feet of crap, then me.

JOEY: You gotta tell Ross how you feel.

RACHEL: Come on. How can I just tell him? What about Julie?

JOEY: What about her? They've only been going out for two weeks. Ross has been in love with you for like 10 years.

RACHEL: I don't know, I don't know.

JOEY: Look, Rache, Rache, I've been with my share of women. In fact, I've been with like a lot of people's share of women. The point is, I've never felt about anyone the way Ross felt about you.

CHANDLER: (entering, angry) Yo, paisan! Can I talk to you for a sec? Your tailor is a very bad man!

JOEY: Frankie? What're you talking about?

ROSS: (entering from teh bedroom) Hey, what's goin' on?

CHANDLER: Joey's tailor...took advantage of me.

ROSS: What?

JOEY: No way. I've been going to the guy for 12 years.

CHANDLER: He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite--

ROSS: what?

CHANDLER: Cupping.

JOEY: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?

ROSS: Yes, yes it is. In prison! Whatsa matter with you?

JOEY: What? That's not? Oh my god.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later that day. Monica is now out and about.]

MONICA: Even Mary Tyler Moore would've been better.

ROSS: I like it. I do, I think it's a Ten.

MONICA: Thank you. My hair is very amused.

CHANDLER: Come on, Monica, things could be worse. You could get caught between the moon and New York City. I know it's crazy, but it's true.

PHOEBE: Thank you.

ROSS: Well, I gotta go. Bye. Bye, Rache.

RACHEL: (sticking her head in from the balcony) Wait, are you leaving?

ROSS: Yeah, that's kinda what I meant by "bye!"

RACHEL: Well, can I talk to you for a sec?

ROSS: Okay. (goes out onto the balcony)

JOEY: Hey, when the doctor does that hernia test...

CHANDLER: That's ok.

[Out on the balcony]

ROSS: What's goin' on?

RACHEL: Well, first of all, Paulo and I are not back together. It was just a stupid thing I did, and if I could go back in time and do it again, well, I wouldn't. Um, second of all, what? (Ross laughs)

ROSS: Ok. Well, before I say anything, I just need to know, is this one of those things where you break up with a guy, and then I tell you what I think, and then the next day you get back together with the guy, and I look like a complete idiot?

RACHEL: No. No-no-no-no.

ROSS: Well, then, I think, I think the guy is scum. I hate him. I physically hate him. I always have. You are way too good to be with a guy like that. You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you, and who gets how funny and sweet and amazing, and adorable, and sexy you are, you know? Someone who wakes up every morning thinking "Oh my god, I'm with Rachel". You know, someone who makes you feel good, the way I am with Julie. Was there a second of all?

RACHEL: No, I think that was the whole all.

[Cut back inside, Joey is on the phone.]

JOEY: I swear to god, Dad. That's not how they measure pants.

CLOSING CREDITS

[Scene: Central Perk, Julie is wanting to get her hair cut from Phoebe.]

JULIE: I was thinking of doing it a little shorter, you know, like Andy McDowell's new haircut?

PHOEBE: You wanna do it right now?

JULIE: Great! (Julie leaves)

PHOEBE: (to Rachel) Ok, I just wanna be really sure this time. Andy McDowell's the girl from Four Weddings and a Funeral, right?

RACHEL: No. No no no no no. That's Rodney McDowell. Andy McDowell is the guy from Planet of the Apes.

PHOEBE: Oh, yeah. Ok, thank you.

RACHEL: You're welcome.

END

兴高彩烈

这一集有一个词组不错：

take advantage of sb.

意思就是占某人的便宜。

傻乎乎的Joey被裁缝占了好多年的便宜，居然以为做裤子就是这样子的， [M04]

兴高彩烈

[M02] ，原来Joey的爸爸也跟Joey一样，多年来一直被裁缝占着便宜……