《Twilight 暮光之城Ⅰ——暮色》 （中英文对照·完结）

阿汤哥

“这可能吗？”我的声音很微弱。

“不，没有多少方法能杀死我们。”

我张开嘴想要提问，但在我出声以前他就说话了。

“所以他非常的饥饿，而且最终虚弱起来。他在远离人群的地方流浪，他认识到自己的意志力也在变得薄弱。一连好几个月他在夜里游荡着，寻找着最孤寂的地方，嫌恶着自己。”

“一天晚上，一群野鹿经过了他隐藏的地方。他因为饥渴而变得狂暴，于是不假思索地袭击了它们。他恢复了强壮，然后意识到他还有一个选择，可以不必变成他所惧怕的卑鄙的怪物。他的前生难道没有吃过鹿肉吗？之后的一个多月里他新的人生观形成了。他可以活下去，而不必成为一个魔鬼。他又找回了他自己。”

“他开始更好地利用他的时间。他总是那么的聪明，充满了求知欲。现在他有了无穷无尽的时间。他在夜间学习，在白天做计划。他游到了法国，然后——”

“他游到法国？”

“人们一直都能游过那道海峡，贝拉。”他耐心地提醒我。

“我猜，这倒是真的。只是在这样的上下文里听到它实在是很有趣。继续。”

“游泳对我们来说是件轻而易举的事——”

“每件事对你来说都是轻而易举。”我死咬着不放。

他在等待着，他的表情有些发笑。

“我不会再打断你了，我保证。”

他阴暗地轻笑起来，然后继续说完他的话。“因为，就技术层面而言，我们不需要呼吸。”

========================

"Is that possible?" My voice was faint.

"No, there are very few ways we can be killed."

I opened my mouth to ask, but he spoke before I could.

"So he grew very hungry, and eventually weak. He strayed as far as he
could from the human populace, recognizing that his willpower was
weakening, too. For months he wandered by night, seeking the loneliest
places, loathing himself.

"One night, a herd of deer passed his hiding place. He was so wild with
thirst that he attacked without a thought. His strength returned and he
realized there was an alternative to being the vile monster he feared.
Had he not eaten venison in his former life? Over the next months his new
philosophy was born. He could exist without being a demon. He found
himself again.

"He began to make better use of his time. He'd always been intelligent,
eager to learn. Now he had unlimited time before him. He studied by
night, planned by day. He swam to France and —"

"He swam to France?"

"People swim the Channel all the time, Bella," he reminded me patiently.

"That's true, I guess. It just sounded funny in that context. Go on."

"Swimming is easy for us —"

"Everything is easy for you," I griped.

He waited, his expression amused.

"I won't interrupt again, I promise."

He chuckled darkly, and finished his sentence. "Because, technically, we
don't need to breathe."

阿汤哥

“你——”

“不，不，你保证过的。”他大笑起来，伸出一根冰冷的手指轻轻点住我的唇。“你想不想听故事了？”

“你不能像这样忽然向我提起某件事，然后又不许我说话。”我在他的手指下喃喃低语着。

他移开他的手，挪到我的颈窝上。我的心跳速度立刻做出了反应，但我依然坚持着。

“你不需要呼吸？”我诘问道。

“不，这毫无必要。只是一种习惯。”他耸耸肩。

“你能走多远……如果不呼吸？”

“我猜，不能确定。我不知道。这会有点不舒服——不能闻到味道。”

“有点不舒服。”我随声附和着。

我没太注意自己的表情，但这让他阴沉起来。他收回了手，一动不动地站着，他的眼睛紧张地看着我的脸。沉默在延续着。他的五官凝固成了石像。

“怎么了？”我低声说着，轻抚着他僵住的脸。

他的脸在我的手下柔和起来，他叹息着：“我依然等着它发生。”

“等着什么发生？”

“我知道总会有那么一刻，我告诉你的某件事，或者你看到的某件事，将会超出你的承受范围。然后你就会从我身旁逃开，尖叫着逃走。”他半笑着说道，但他的眼神依然很认真。“我不会阻止你。我想要这样的事情发生，因为我想让你安全些。但是，我还是想和你在一起。这两个愿望根本无法调和……”他打住了话头，看着我的脸，等待着。

===============================

"You —"

"No, no, you promised." He laughed, putting his cold finger lightly to my
lips. "Do you want to hear the story or not?"

"You can't spring something like that on me, and then expect me not to
say anything," I mumbled against his finger.

He lifted his hand, moving it to rest against my neck. The speed of my
heart reacted to that, but I persisted.

"You don't have to breathe?" I demanded.

"No, it's not necessary. Just a habit." He shrugged.

"How long can you go… without breathing?"

"Indefinitely, I suppose; I don't know. It gets a bit uncomfortable —
being without a sense of smell."

"A bit uncomfortable," I echoed.

I wasn't paying attention to my own expression, but something in it made
him grow somber. His hand dropped to his side and he stood very still,
his eyes intent on my face. The silence lengthened. His features were
immobile as stone.

"What is it?" I whispered, touching his frozen face.

His face softened under my hand, and he sighed. "I keep waiting for it to
happen."

"For what to happen?"

"I know that at some point, something I tell you or something you see is
going to be too much. And then you'll run away from me, screaming as you
go." He smiled half a smile, but his eyes were serious. "I won't stop
you. I want this to happen, because I want you to be safe. And yet, I
want to be with you. The two desires are impossible to reconcile…" He
trailed off, staring at my face. Waiting.

阿汤哥

“我哪里也不会去的。”我保证道。

“我们等着瞧。”他说着，又笑了起来。

我冲他皱起眉。“那么，继续——卡莱尔游到了法国。”
他顿了顿，又回到了他的故事。他转过身去看向了另一幅画面——所有画里最色彩斑斓的一幅，装裱得最为华丽的，也是最巨大的。它紧挨着门挂着，是门的两倍宽。那幅油画里溢满了穿着波浪纹的学士服的欢快的人物，他们有的站在长柱周围，有的站在大理石的阳台上。我说不清这是否代表了某个希腊神话，或者这些漫步在云端之上的人物是否出自圣经故事。

“卡莱尔游到了法国，然后继续在欧洲游历，访问那里的学府。夜里他研究音乐，科学，和医学——然后从中发现了他的职业，他的苦修，他可以拯救人类的生命。”他的神情变得敬畏，几近虔诚。“我无法恰当地描述这种挣扎。卡莱尔经过了两个世纪的痛苦的努力才完善了他的自我控制。现在他可以完全对人类血液的味道免疫，可以不受任何困扰地做他所热爱的工作。他从中找到了长久的平和感，在医院里……”爱德华移开视线，盯着空气，看了许久。忽然他似乎想起了自己的目的，他指点着我们面前的那幅巨大的画。

“他在意大利求学的时候，遇到了那里的其他人。他们比伦敦下水道里的那些幽灵更加开化，更有教养。”

他触到画在最高的阳台上的，看起来相对稳重的那四个人，沉着地低下头看着他们之下的一片混乱。我仔细地审视那群人，然后恍然大悟，吃惊地大笑起来，因为我认出了那个金发的男人。

“索利梅纳的灵感被卡莱尔的朋友大大地激发了，他经常把他们画成天神。”爱德华轻笑起来。“阿罗，马库斯，凯厄斯，”他说着，指点着另外三个人，两个是黑发，一个是如雪白发。“艺术的夜间保护人。”

“他们发生了什么事？”我大声提问道，我的指尖在离油画上的人物只有一公分的地方徘徊着。

“他们还在那里。”他耸耸肩。“他们在那里不知道待了几千年。卡莱尔只和他们待了很短的一段时间，只有几十年。他非常地钦佩他们的礼貌，他们的高尚，但他们固执地试图治愈他对‘他天生的食物来源’的厌恶，他们是这样称呼的。他们试图说服他，而他也试图说服他们，但双方都没有收到效果。在那时，卡莱尔决定去新世界试试。他梦想着能找到别的像他自己这样的人。他非常地孤独，你知道。

=======================

"I'm not running anywhere," I promised.

"We'll see," he said, smiling again.

I frowned at him. "So, go on — Carlisle was swimming to France."

He paused, getting back into his story. Reflexively, his eyes flickered
to another picture — the most colorful of them all, the most ornately
framed, and the largest; it was twice as wide as the door it hung next
to. The canvas overflowed with bright figures in swirling robes, writhing
around long pillars and off marbled balconies. I couldn't tell if it
represented Greek mythology, or if the characters floating in the clouds
above were meant to be biblical.

"Carlisle swam to France, and continued on through Europe, to the
universities there. By night he studied music, science, medicine — and
found his calling, his penance, in that, in saving human lives." His
expression became awed, almost reverent. "I can't adequately describe the
struggle; it took Carlisle two centuries of torturous effort to perfect
his self-control. Now he is all but immune to the scent of human blood,
and he is able to do the work he loves without agony. He finds a great
deal of peace there, at the hospital…" Edward stared off into space for a
long moment. Suddenly he seemed to recall his purpose. He tapped his
finger against the huge painting in front of us.

"He was studying in Italy when he discovered the others there. They were
much more civilized and educated than the wraiths of the London sewers."

He touched a comparatively sedate quartet of figures painted on the
highest balcony, looking down calmly on the mayhem below them. I examined
the grouping carefully and realized, with a startled laugh, that I
recognized the golden-haired man.

"Solimena was greatly inspired by Carlisle's friends. He often painted
them as gods," Edward chuckled. "Aro, Marcus, Caius," he said, indicating
the other three, two black-haired, one snowy-white. "Nighttime patrons of
the arts."

"What happened to them?" I wondered aloud, my fingertip hovering a
centimeter from the figures on the canvas.

"They're still there." He shrugged. "As they have been for who knows how
many millennia. Carlisle stayed with them only for a short time, just a
few decades. He greatly admired their civility, their refinement, but
they persisted in trying to cure his aversion to 'his natural food
source,' as they called it. They tried to persuade him, and he tried to
persuade them, to no avail. At that point, Carlisle decided to try the
New World. He dreamed of finding others like himself. He was very lonely,
you see.

阿汤哥

“为什么没有呢？”

“我猜……这听起来很合理。”

他厉声笑着，比之前笑得还要响。我们现在已经走到了楼梯顶上，站在了另一个镶嵌着木地板的走廊里。

“从我重获新生时起，”他喃喃低语道。“我就获得了知晓周围每一个人的想法的优势，不管对方是否是人类。这就是为什么我在过了十年之后才敢挑衅卡莱尔——我能读到他全然的真挚，确切地理解他为什么要过着这样的生活。”

“但只过了几年，我又回到了卡莱尔身边，重新接受他的观点。那时候我想着，我可以得到解脱的，从那种……沮丧……中得到赦免，并且是伴随着一种良心的产生的沮丧。因为我能知道我的牺牲品的想法，我可以略过那些无辜者，而只去猎食那些坏人。如果我追踪着一个在暗巷里偷偷靠近一个年轻女孩的谋杀犯——如果我救了她，那么的确我就没那么坏了。”

我颤抖着，太过清晰地想象出了他所描述的情景——深夜的小巷，受惊的女孩，尾随着她的那个阴暗的男人。还有爱德华，正在狩猎的爱德华，可怕又威武，宛如一个年轻的神明，不停地追赶着。那个女孩，她会更加感激，还是更加惊恐呢？

“但随着时间的推移，我开始从自己的眼中看见了那个怪物。不管我的行为多么正义，我都无法逃避自己夺走了那么多人命的罪过。然后我回到了卡莱尔和艾思梅的身边。他们热切地欢迎我这个游子归来。这远比我应得的还要多。”

我们停在了走廊尽头的最后一扇门前。

“我的房间。”他向我介绍道，打开门，然后把我拉进去。

他的房间朝南，有整整一面墙的落地窗，就像楼下的那个大房间一样。这栋屋子的后墙一定全是玻璃。他的视野囊括了那条蜿蜒的Sol Duc河，一直穿过那片未被涉足过的密林，直到奥林匹亚山脉。这片山脉比我相信的还要更近些。

西面的墙上摆满了一个接一个架子的CD。他房间里的库存比一家音像店里的还多。角落里是一套看上去久经世故的音响系统，是那种我不敢轻易触碰的音响，因为我知道我一定会打坏什么东西的。这里没有床，只有一张宽大的让人动心的黑色皮沙发。地上铺着厚厚的金色的地毯，墙上贴满了一种厚重的颜色稍深的织物。

“不错的音响？”我猜测着。

=============================

"Why not?"

"I guess… it sounds reasonable."

He barked a laugh, more loudly than before. We were at the top of the
stairs now, in another paneled hallway.

"From the time of my new birth," he murmured, "I had the advantage of
knowing what everyone around me was thinking, both human and non-human
alike. That's why it took me ten years to defy Carlisle — I could read
his perfect sincerity, understand exactly why he lived the way he did.

"It took me only a few years to return to Carlisle and recommit to his
vision. I thought I would be exempt from the… depression… that
accompanies a conscience. Because I knew the thoughts of my prey, I could
pass over the innocent and pursue only the evil. If I followed a murderer
down a dark alley where he stalked a young girl — if I saved her, then
surely I wasn't so terrible."

I shivered, imagining only too clearly what he described — the alley at
night, the frightened girl, the dark man behind her. And Edward, Edward
as he hunted, terrible and glorious as a young god, unstoppable. Would
she have been grateful, that girl, or more frightened than before?

"But as time went on, I began to see the monster in my eyes. I couldn't
escape the debt of so much human life taken, no matter how justified. And
I went back to Carlisle and Esme. They welcomed me back like the
prodigal. It was more than I deserved."

We'd come to a stop in front of the last door in the hall.

"My room," he informed me, opening it and pulling me through.

His room faced south, with a wall-sized window like the great room below.
The whole back side of the house must be glass. His view looked down on
the winding Sol Duc River, across the untouched forest to the Olympic
Mountain range. The mountains were much closer than I would have believed.

The western wall was completely covered with shelf after shelf of CDs.
His room was better stocked than a music store. In the corner was a
sophisticated-looking sound system, the kind I was afraid to touch
because I'd be sure to break something. There was no bed, only a wide and
inviting black leather sofa. The floor was covered with a thick golden
carpet, and the walls were hung with heavy fabric in a slightly darker
shade.

"Good acoustics?" I guessed.

阿汤哥

他轻笑起来，点了点头。

他拿起遥控器，打开了音响。这音乐很安静，但这柔和的爵士乐的鼓点听起来就像是那个正在演奏的乐队就在屋里和我们在一起一样。我走过去看他那些令人惊叹的音乐收藏。

“你是怎么把这些编排起来的？”我问道，没法找出这些名称排练的韵律或理由。

他有些走神。

“呃嗯，按年份排，然后每一排按照个人喜好排。”他心不在焉地说着。

我回过头，他正用一种罕见的眼神看着我。

“什么？”

“我原以为我会觉得……很宽慰。让你知道所有的事情，不必再向你保守秘密。但我没想到我会感受到更多。我喜欢这样。这让我感觉……很快乐。”他耸耸肩，轻快地笑着。

“我很高兴。”我说着，报以一笑。我本来还在担心他会后悔告诉我这些事情。知道情况完全不是这回事，感觉真的很好。

但随后，他的眼睛剖析着我的神情，他的微笑消失了，他的额头皱了起来。

“你还在等着我尖叫着跑开，对吗？”我猜测着。

一抹微弱的笑容浮上他的唇，他点了点头。

“我讨厌打破你的幻想，但你真的没有你自己认为的那样可怕。我根本不觉得你可怕，真的。”我若无其事地撒谎道。

他停顿下来，明显是难以置信地扬起了眉毛。然后他露出了一个大大的坏笑。

“你真的不应该这样说的。”他轻笑着说。

===========================

He chuckled and nodded.

He picked up a remote and turned the stereo on. It was quiet, but the
soft jazz number sounded like the band was in the room with us. I went to
look at his mind-boggling music collection.

"How do you have these organized?" I asked, unable to find any rhyme or
reason to the titles.

He wasn't paying attention.

"Ummm, by year, and then by personal preference within that frame," he
said absently.

I turned, and he was looking at me with a peculiar expression in his eyes.

"What?"

"I was prepared to feel… relieved. Having you know about everything, not
needing to keep secrets from you. But I didn't expect to feel more than
that. I like it. It makes me… happy." He shrugged, smiling slightly.

"I'm glad," I said, smiling back. I'd worried that he might regret
telling me these things. It was good to know that wasn't the case.

But then, as his eyes dissected my expression, his smile faded and his
forehead creased.

"You're still waiting for the running and the screaming, aren't you?" I
guessed.

A faint smile touched his lips, and he nodded.

"I hate to burst your bubble, but you're really not as scary as you think
you are. I don't find you scary at all, actually," I lied casually.

He stopped, raising his eyebrows in blatant disbelief. Then he flashed a
wide, wicked smile.

"You really shouldn't have said that," he chuckled.

阿汤哥

他咆哮着，从喉咙深处发出一阵低吼声，他的嘴唇向后蜷起，露出了他完美无瑕的牙齿。他的身形忽然改变了，半蜷伏着身子，紧绷得像一只即将猛扑过来的狮子。

我瞪着他，向后退去。

“你不会这样做的。”

我根本没看见他向我扑过来——这一切太快了。我只发觉自己忽然间就在半空中，然后我们一起撞到了沙发上，把它撞到了墙上。整个过程中，他的手臂一直像一个铁笼子一样保护着我——我没有受到任何冲击。但我依然透不过气来，努力想让自己在沙发上坐起来。

他不让我这样做。他让我蜷伏在他的胸前，缩成了一个球。他的铁臂紧紧地抱住我，比铁链还要牢固。我有些担忧地注视着他，但他显然控制得很好，他的下颌松懈着，咧嘴一笑。他的眼睛很明亮，眼里只有笑意。

“你在说什么？”他开玩笑似的咆哮着。

“我说，你是个非常，非常可怕的怪物。”我说道，但我的讽刺稍有些瑕疵，因为我的声音依然有些喘不过气来。

“这就好多了。”他深表赞许。

“呃嗯，”我挣扎着。“我现在能起来了吗？”

他只是大笑着。

“我们能进来吗？”一个柔和的声音在走廊外响起。

我挣扎着想要挣脱出来，但爱德华只是稍微让我调整了一下，这样我就能用比较正常的姿势坐在他的膝盖上了。我看见，门口的是爱丽丝，还有紧跟在她身后的贾斯帕。我的脸颊灼热起来，但爱德华还是一副怡然自得的样子。

“进来吧。”爱德华依然安静地轻笑着。

============================

He growled, a low sound in the back of his throat; his lips curled back
over his perfect teeth. His body shifted suddenly, half-crouched, tensed
like a lion about to pounce.

I backed away from him, glaring.

"You wouldn't."

I didn't see him leap at me — it was much too fast. I only found myself
suddenly airborne, and then we crashed onto the sofa, knocking it into
the wall. All the while, his arms formed an iron cage of protection
around me — I was barely jostled. But I still was gasping as I tried to
right myself.

He wasn't having that. He curled me into a ball against his chest,
holding me more securely than iron chains. I glared at him in alarm, but
he seemed well in control, his jaw relaxed as he grinned, his eyes bright
only with humor.

"You were saying?" he growled playfully.

"That you are a very, very terrifying monster," I said, my sarcasm marred
a bit by my breathless voice.

"Much better," he approved.

"Um." I struggled. "Can I get up now?"

He just laughed.

"Can we come in?" a soft voice sounded from the hall.

I struggled to free myself, but Edward merely readjusted me so that I was
somewhat more conventionally seated on his lap. I could see it was Alice,
then, and Jasper behind her in the doorway. My cheeks burned, but Edward
seemed at ease.

"Go ahead." Edward was still chuckling quietly.

阿汤哥

爱丽丝似乎不觉得我们的拥抱有任何不寻常之处。她走了进来——几乎是在翩翩起舞，她的动作是那么的优雅——走到了屋子的中间，然后叠起腿蜷坐在地板上。但是，贾斯帕却停在了门外，他的表情有些许震惊。他注视着爱德华的脸，我想知道他是否透过他不同寻常的敏感感受到了这里的气氛。
“听起来你正要把贝拉当成午餐，我们过来看看你是否愿意分一杯羹。”爱丽丝宣布道。
“抱歉，我不相信我还有剩余的可供分享。”他回答道，他的胳膊满不在乎地紧抱着我。
“确实如此。”贾斯帕说着，不再有所顾忌地笑了起来，走进房间里。“爱丽丝说今晚将要有一场真正的暴风雨，艾美特想去打棒球，你来吗？”
这些话很寻常，但它的逻辑关系却让我困惑起来。但我还是抓住了一点，爱丽丝比天气预报员要更可靠些。
爱德华的眼睛亮了起来，但他踌躇着。
“你当然得带上贝拉。”爱丽丝唧唧喳喳地说着。我想我看见贾斯帕飞快地瞥了她一眼。
“你想去吗？”爱德华兴奋地问着我，他的神情简直是活力四射。
“当然。”我不能让这样一张脸失望。“呃嗯，我们要去哪里？”
“我们得等到雷雨天才能打球——你会看到这是为什么的。”他保证道。
“我需要带把伞吗？”
他们都大笑起来。
“她需要吗？”贾斯帕问爱丽丝。
“不。”她相当肯定。“暴风雨只会横扫整个小镇。那块空地上将会相当干爽。”
“那么，很好。”自然地，贾斯帕话语里的热情很有感染力。我发现自己也热切起来，甚至远甚于恐惧的僵直。
“我们去看看卡莱尔会不会加入。”爱丽丝跳起来，落到门口，她敏捷的动作能让任何一个芭蕾演员心灰意冷。
“就好像你不知道一样。”贾斯帕揶揄着，然后他们鱼贯而出。贾斯帕不引人注目地随手关上了门。
“我们要打什么球？”我盘问道。
“你会看到的，”爱德华澄清道。“我们要打棒球。”
我睁圆了眼睛。“吸血鬼喜欢棒球？”
“这是美国人的消遣。”他假装一本正经地说道。

=================================

Alice seemed to find nothing unusual in our embrace; she walked — almost
danced, her movements were so graceful — to the center of the room, where
she folded herself sinuously onto the floor. Jasper, however, paused at
the door, his expression a trifle shocked. He stared at Edward's face,
and I wondered if he was tasting the atmosphere with his unusual
sensitivity.
"It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if
you would share," Alice announced.
I stiffened for an instant, until I realized Edward was grinning —
whether at her comment or my response, I couldn't tell.
"Sorry, I don't believe I have enough to spare," he replied, his arms
holding me recklessly close.
"Actually," Jasper said, smiling despite himself as he walked into the
room, "Alice says there's going to be a real storm tonight, and Emmett
wants to play ball. Are you game?"
The words were all common enough, but the context confused me. I gathered
that Alice was a bit more reliable than the weatherman, though.
Edward's eyes lit up, but he hesitated.
"Of course you should bring Bella," Alice chirped. I thought I saw Jasper
throw a quick glance at her.
"Do you want to go?" Edward asked me, excited, his expression vivid.
"Sure." I couldn't disappoint such a face. "Um, where are we going?"
"We have to wait for thunder to play ball — you'll see why," he promised.
"Will I need an umbrella?"
They all three laughed aloud.
"Will she?" Jasper asked Alice.
"No." She was positive. "The storm will hit over town. It should be dry
enough in the clearing."
"Good, then." The enthusiasm in Jasper's voice was catching, naturally. I
found myself eager, rather than scared stiff.
"Let's go see if Carlisle will come." Alice bounded up and to the door in
a fashion that would break any ballerina's heart.
"Like you don't know," Jasper teased, and they were swiftly on their way.
Jasper managed to inconspicuously close the door behind them.
"What will we be playing?" I demanded.
"You will be watching," Edward clarified. "We will be playing baseball."
I rolled my eyes. "Vampires like baseball?"
"It's the American pastime," he said with mock solemnity.


END

阿汤哥

第十七章 游戏

天刚刚开始下蒙蒙细雨时，爱德华把车开进了我家所在的街道。直到这一刻，我才能确信无疑，自己一直和他在一起，在真实的世界里度过了一段短暂的时光。

然后我看见了那辆黑色的车，那辆停在查理的车道上的，饱受风雨侵蚀的老福特——我听到爱德华在用一种低沉粗噶的声音在喃喃低语着一些莫名其妙的句子。

站在屋前的门廊里避雨的，是站在他父亲的轮椅旁的雅克布?布莱克。当爱德华把我的卡车停在路基上时，比利的脸冷硬得像石头。雅克布垂下了头，他的神情很是苦恼。

爱德华低沉的声音有些狂暴。“这是越界的行为。”

“他来警告查理？”我猜测着，与其说是愤怒，不如说是恐惧。

爱德华只是点点头，眯缝起眼睛隔着雨幕回敬比利的注视。

我感到一种心虚的宽慰，查理还没回家。

“让我来处理这件事。”我提议道。爱德华阴暗的瞪视让我不安起来。

让我惊讶的是，他同意了。“这也许是最好的办法。不过，要当心。那孩子毫不知情。”

我对“孩子”这个词有点介意。“雅克布没比我小多少。”我提醒他。

他随即看着我，他的愤怒骤然消失了。“哦，我知道了。”他咧嘴一笑，向我保证。

我叹息着，把手放到了门把手上。

“让他们进屋。”他命令道。“这样我就能离开了。我会在傍晚时过来。”

“你需要开我的卡车吗？”我主动提出，同时想着要怎么跟查理解释它的消失。
==============================

17. THE GAME


It was just beginning to drizzle when Edward turned onto my street. Up
until that moment, I'd had no doubt that he'd be staying with me while I
spent a few interim hours in the real world.

And then I saw the black car, a weathered Ford, parked in Charlie's
driveway — and heard Edward mutter something unintelligible in a low,
harsh voice.

Leaning away from the rain under the shallow front porch, Jacob Black
stood behind his father's wheelchair. Billy's face was impassive as stone
as Edward parked my truck against the curb. Jacob stared down, his
expression mortified.

Edward's low voice was furious. "This is crossing the line."

"He came to warn Charlie?" I guessed, more horrified than angry.

Edward just nodded, answering Billy's gaze through the rain with narrowed
eyes.

I felt weak with relief that Charlie wasn't home yet.

"Let me deal with this," I suggested. Edward's black glare made me
anxious.

To my surprise, he agreed. "That's probably best. Be careful, though. The
child has no idea."

I bridled a little at the word child. "Jacob is not that much younger
than I am," I reminded him.

He looked at me then, his anger abruptly fading. "Oh, I know," he assured
me with a grin.

I sighed and put my hand on the door handle.

"Get them inside," he instructed, "so I can leave. I'll be back around
dusk."

"Do you want my truck?" I offered, meanwhile wondering how I would
explain its absence to Charlie.

阿汤哥

他转了转眼睛。“我走回家去都比这车快。”

“你不需要离开的。”我渴望地说道。

他对我阴沉着的脸一笑置之。“事实上，我确实不会离开的。在你把他们赶走以后”——他阴沉地怒视了一眼布莱克一家的方向——“你还是得让查理准备好会见你的新男友。”他开心地咧嘴一笑，露出他全部的皓齿。

我呻吟道。“非常感谢。”

他露出我最爱的弯嘴坏笑。“我马上回来。”他保证道。他的眼睛飞快地瞥了一眼门廊的方向，然后他倚过来，飞快地吻了我一下，就在我下巴的边缘。我的心立刻狂热地跳了起来。而我也瞥了一眼门廊。比利不再是面无表情，他的手紧紧地握住轮椅的扶手。

“马上。”我强调着，打开门，走进雨里。

当我小跑着穿过毛毛细雨冲向门廊时，我能感觉到他的目光一直落在我的背上。

“嘿，比利。嗨，雅克布。”我尽可能爽朗地和他们打招呼。“查理今天出去了——我希望你们没有等太久。”

“不是很久。”比利耐着性子答道。他黑色的眼睛咄咄逼人。“我只是想把这个带来。”他指了指膝上的那个棕色纸袋。

“谢谢。”我说道，尽管我根本不知道那会是什么。“你们为什么不进来坐会儿，把自己弄干呢？”

当我开门的时候，我装作浑然不觉他紧张的监视，然后挥手示意他们走在我前头。

“来吧，让我来拿这个。”我主动说着，转身关上门。我允许自己最后再看一眼爱德华，他依然等在那里，一动不动，他的眼神很严肃。

“你最好把它放到冰箱离去。”比利把纸盒子递给我，提醒道。“这是一些哈利?克里尔沃特家自制的煎鱼——查理的最爱。冰箱能让它保持干燥。”他耸耸肩。

“谢谢，”我重复道，但这次是真诚的感谢。“我已经想不出新的做鱼的方法了，可他今晚还会带更多的鱼回家。”

============================

He rolled his eyes. "I could walk home faster than this truck moves."

"You don't have to leave," I said wistfully.

He smiled at my glum expression. "Actually, I do. After you get rid of
them" — he threw a dark glance in the Blacks' direction — "you still have
to prepare Charlie to meet your new boyfriend." He grinned widely,
showing all of his teeth.

I groaned. "Thanks a lot."

He smiled the crooked smile that I loved. "I'll be back soon," he
promised. His eyes flickered back to the porch, and then he leaned in to
swiftly kiss me just under the edge of my jaw. My heart lurched
frantically, and I, too, glanced toward the porch. Billy's face was no
longer impassive, and his hands clutched at the armrests of his chair.

"Soon," I stressed as I opened the door and stepped out into the rain.

I could feel his eyes on my back as I half-ran through the light sprinkle

toward the porch.

"Hey, Billy. Hi, Jacob." I greeted them as cheerfully as I could manage.
"Charlie's gone for the day — I hope you haven't been waiting long."

"Not long," Billy said in a subdued tone. His black eyes were piercing.
"I just wanted to bring this up." He indicated a brown ** sack resting
in his lap.

"Thanks," I said, though I had no idea what it could be. "Why don't you
come in for a minute and dry off?"

I pretended to be oblivious to his intense scrutiny as I unlocked the
door, and waved them in ahead of me.

"Here, let me take that," I offered, turning to shut the door. I allowed
myself one last glance at Edward. He was waiting, perfectly still, his
eyes solemn.

"You'll want to put it in the fridge," Billy noted as he handed me the
package. "It's some of Harry Clearwater's homemade fish fry — Charlie's
favorite. The fridge keeps it drier." He shrugged.

"Thanks," I repeated, but with feeling this time. "I was running out of
new ways to fix fish, and he's bound to bring home more tonight."

阿汤哥

“又去钓鱼了？”比利问道，眼里闪过一丝微妙的亮光。“还在那个老地方？也许我可以开车过去看他。”

“不，”我立刻撒谎道，我的脸严峻起来。“他去了一个新地方……但我不知道在哪里。”

他把我的表情变化看在了眼里，这让他深思起来。

“杰可，”他说着，依然审视着我。“你为什么不回车里把瑞贝卡的新照片拿过来？我想把它也留给查理。”

“放在哪里？”雅克布问道，他的声音显得很郁闷。我看了他一眼，但他一直盯着地面，他的眉毛蹙在一起。

“我想我在那辆卡车里看见了。”比利说道。“你得去把它挖出来。”

雅克布无精打采地走出屋外，走回雨中。

比利和我沉默地对峙着。几秒钟以后，这种静寂开始变得尴尬起来，所以我转过身去，径直走向厨房。我能听到他跟着我，湿漉漉的轮椅碾过地上铺着的油毯发出吱吱声。

我把纸包塞进冰箱拥挤的上格，旋即转身与他对峙着。他棱角分明的脸上有着无法读懂的神情。

“查理得很久以后才会回来。”我的语气几近粗鲁。

他同意地点了点头，但什么也没说。

“再次感谢你的煎鱼。”我暗示道。

他继续点头，我叹了口气，把胳膊交叠在胸前。

他似乎感觉到我已经放弃了与他闲谈。“贝拉。”他说完，又踌躇了起来。

我等待着。
=====================

"Fishing again?" Billy asked with a subtle gleam in his eye. "Down at the
usual spot? Maybe I'll run by and see him."

"No," I quickly lied, my face going hard. "He was headed someplace new…
but I have no idea where."

He took in my changed expression, and it made him thoughtful.

"Jake," he said, still appraising me. "Why don't you go get that new
picture of Rebecca out of the car? I'll leave that for Charlie, too."

"Where is it?" Jacob asked, his voice morose. I glanced at him, but he
was staring at the floor, his eyebrows pulling together.

"I think I saw it in the trunk," Billy said. "You may have to dig for it."

Jacob slouched back out into the rain.

Billy and I faced each other in silence. After a few seconds, the quiet
started to feel awkward, so I turned and headed to the kitchen. I could
hear his wet wheels squeak against the linoleum as he followed.

I shoved the bag onto the crowded top shelf of the fridge, and spun
around to confront him. His deeply lined face was unreadable.

"Charlie won't be back for a long time." My voice was almost rude.

He nodded in agreement, but said nothing.

"Thanks again for the fish fry," I hinted.

He continued nodding. I sighed and folded my arms across my chest.

He seemed to sense that I had given up on small talk. "Bella," he said,
and then he hesitated.

I waited.

阿汤哥

“贝拉，”他再次说道。“查理是我最好的朋友之一。”

“是的。”

他用他隆隆的嗓音小心地说着每个字。“我注意到，你经常和卡伦家的其中一个成员待在一起。”

“是的。”我简短地重复着。

他的眼睛眯缝起来。“也许这与我无关，但我不认为这是个好主意。”

“你是对的，”我赞同道。“这与你无关。”

听到我这样的语气，他扬起了灰白的眉毛。“你也许不知道这一点，但卡伦家在保留区声名狼藉。”

“确实，我不清楚这一点，”我用一种生硬的口吻告诉他。这让他大吃一惊。“但那种评价并不值得赞同，对吗？因为卡伦一家根本从未踏入过保留区，对吧？”我能看出，我不着痕迹地暗示了那个既束缚了他的部落，也保护着他的部落的协议，顿时阻止了他。

“这倒是真的。”他同意道，他的眼睛充满了提防。“你似乎……很了解卡伦一家。比我意料之中的还要了解。”

我俯视着他。“也许比你更熟知内情。”

他仔细地思索着，皱起他厚厚的嘴唇。“也许。”他认可道，但他的眼神很狡猾。“查理也熟知内情吗？”

他找到了我的盔甲上脆弱的缝隙。

“查理很喜欢卡伦一家。”我兜着圈子答道。他无疑明白了我在逃避。他的表情很不高兴，但并不讶异。

“这与我无关，”他说道。“但这也许和查理有关。”

“不管我是否认为这与查理有关，这始终是我自己的事，对吗？”
===========================

"Bella," he said again, "Charlie is one of my best friends."

"Yes."

He spoke each word carefully in his rumbling voice. "I noticed you've
been spending time with one of the Cullens."

"Yes," I repeated curtly.

His eyes narrowed. "Maybe it's none of my business, but I don't think
that is such a good idea."

"You're right," I agreed. "It is none of your business."

He raised his graying eyebrows at my tone. "You probably don't know this,
but the Cullen family has an unpleasant reputation on the reservation."

"Actually, I did know that," I informed him in a hard voice. This
surprised him. "But that reputation couldn't be deserved, could it?
Because the Cullens never set foot on the reservation, do they?" I could
see that my less than subtle reminder of the agreement that both bound
and protected his tribe pulled him up short.

"That's true," he acceded, his eyes guarded. "You seem… well informed
about the Cullens. More informed than I expected."

I stared him down. "Maybe even better informed than you are."

He pursed his thick lips as he considered that. "Maybe." he allowed, but
his eyes were shrewd. "Is Charlie as well informed?"

He had found the weak chink in my armor.

"Charlie likes the Cullens a lot," I hedged. He clearly understood my
evasion. His expression was unhappy, but unsurprised.

"It's not my business," he said. "But it may be Charlie's."

"Though it would be my business, again, whether or not I think that it's
Charlie's business, right?"

阿汤哥

我努力不作出任何让步，我想知道他是否理解了我令人困惑的问题。但他似乎明白了。他思索着，雨水打在屋顶上，成为打破这片沉默的唯一的声音。

“是的。”他最终投降了。“我猜这也是你自己的事。”

我如释重负地叹了口气。“谢谢，比利。”

“不过要好好想想你正在做的事，贝拉。”他极力催促道。

“好吧。”我飞快地赞同道。

他皱起眉。“我的意思是说，不要做你正在做的事。”

我看着他的眼睛，他眼里只有对我的关心，我什么也说不出来。

就在这时，前门砰地一声响起来，我被这声音吓了一跳。

“车里根本没有什么照片。”雅克布人还没到，抱怨声就传来了。他转过拐角时，他肩上的恤衫被雨打湿了，他的头发滴着水。

“呃嗯，”比利咕哝着，忽然从我身边走开，把他的轮椅转过去面对着他的儿子。“我猜我把它落在家里了。”

雅克布使劲翻了翻眼睛。“很好。”

“嗯，贝拉，告诉查理”——比利停顿一下，继续说道——“就说我们来过，我是说。”

“我会的。”我喃喃低语道。

雅克布很吃惊。“我们要走了吗？”

“查理出去了，要很晚才能回来。”比利解释着，摇着轮椅越过雅克布。

“哦，”雅克布看上去很失望。“好吧，那么，我猜我们只能回见了，贝拉。”

==================

I wondered if he even understood my confused question as I struggled not
to say anything compromising. But he seemed to. He thought about it while
the rain picked up against the roof, the only sound breaking the silence.

"Yes," he finally surrendered. "I guess that's your business, too."

I sighed with relief. "Thanks, Billy."

"Just think about what you're doing, Bella," he urged.

"Okay," I agreed quickly.

He frowned. "What I meant to say was, don't do what you're doing."

I looked into his eyes, filled with nothing but concern for me, and there
was nothing I could say.

Just then the front door banged loudly, and I jumped at the sound.

"There's no picture anywhere in that car." Jacob's complaining voice
reached us before he did. The shoulders of his shirt were stained with
the rain, his hair dripping, when he rounded the corner.

"Hmm," Billy grunted, suddenly detached, spinning his chair around to
face his son. "I guess I left it at home."

Jacob rolled his eyes dramatically. "Great."

"Well, Bella, tell Charlie" — Billy paused before continuing — "that we
stopped by, I mean."

"I will," I muttered.

Jacob was surprised. "Are we leaving already?"

"Charlie's gonna be out late," Billy explained as he rolled himself past
Jacob.

"Oh." Jacob looked disappointed. "Well, I guess I'll see you later, then,
Bella."

阿汤哥

“当然，”我赞同道。

“当心。”比利警告我。我没有会的。

雅克布帮助他父亲越过门槛。我简短地挥了挥手，飞快地瞥了一眼我空荡荡的卡车，然后在他们离开以前关上了门。

我在走廊里站了一分钟，听着他们把车倒出去然后开走的声音。我待在原地，等着自己的愤怒和焦虑平息下来。当我的紧张终于稍微褪色的时候，我冲上楼，换下自己考究的衣着。

我换了好几套不同的搭配，还是不能确定今晚应该穿什么。当我把注意力集中在将要发生的事上时，刚刚发生的一切变得无关紧要起来。一旦我脱离了贾斯帕和爱德华的影响，我就开始补上刚才没惊吓的份了。我立刻放弃挑选出一套外出服的打算——随便丢了一件旧的法兰绒恤衫和一条牛仔裤——知道自己整夜都会待在自己的雨衣里。

电话响了起来，我冲下楼去接。我想听的声音只有一个，任何别的声音都会令我失望。但我知道如果他想和我说话的话，他也许会直接出现在我的房间里。

“你好？”我屏住呼吸，问道。

“贝拉？是我。”杰西卡说道。

“哦，嗨，杰西。”我挣扎了片刻，才回到现实中来。感觉像是我有几个月而不是几天没和杰西说话了。“舞会怎么样了？”

“非常有趣！”杰西卡滔滔不绝地说道。无需更进一步的邀请，她就开始一五一十地讲述起前天晚上的所有细节。我在恰当的时候“嗯嗯”和“啊啊”，但很难专心。杰西卡，迈克，舞会，学校——此时此刻，这一切似乎都陌生得不可思议。我的眼睛不停地瞟着窗外，试图从厚重的云层里看出天色的早晚。

“你听到我说的了吗，贝拉？”杰西恼怒地问道。

“抱歉，什么？”

“我说，迈克吻了我！你能相信吗？”

======================

"Sure," I agreed.

"Take care," Billy warned me. I didn't answer.

Jacob helped his father out the door. I waved briefly, glancing swiftly
toward my now-empty truck, and then shut the door before they were gone.

I stood in the hallway for a minute, listening to the sound of their car
as it backed out and drove away. I stayed where I was, waiting for the
irritation and anxiety to subside. When the tension eventually faded a
bit, I headed upstairs to change out of my dressy clothes.

I tried on a couple of different tops, not sure what to expect tonight.
As I concentrated on what was coming, what had just passed became
insignificant. Now that I was removed from Jasper's and Edward's
influence, I began to make up for not being terrified before. I gave up
quickly on choosing an outfit — throwing on an old flannel shirt and
jeans — knowing I would be in my raincoat all night anyway.

The phone rang and I sprinted downstairs to get it. There was only one
voice I wanted to hear; anything else would be a disappointment. But I
knew that if he wanted to talk to me, he'd probably just materialize in
my room.

"Hello?" I asked, breathless.

"Bella? It's me," Jessica said.

"Oh, hey, Jess." I scrambled for a moment to come back down to reality.
It felt like months rather than days since I'd spoken to Jess. "How was
the dance?"

"It was so much fun!" Jessica gushed. Needing no more invitation than
that, she launched into a minute-by-minute account of the previous night.
I mmm'd and ahh'd at the right places, but it wasn't easy to concentrate.
Jessica, Mike, the dance, the school — they all seemed strangely
irrelevant at the moment. My eyes kept flashing to the window, trying to
judge the degree of light behind the heavy clouds.

"Did you hear what I said, Bella?" Jess asked, irritated.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I said, Mike kissed me! Can you believe it?"

阿汤哥

“太棒了，杰西。”我说道。

“那么，你昨天做了什么？”杰西卡问道，听起来还在为我的心不在焉而恼怒着。或许她只是有些失落，因为我没有问起更加详细的细节。

“没做什么，真的。我只是在外头晃悠，享受阳光。”

我听到查理的车开进车库的声音。

“你听到任何关于爱德华?卡伦的最新消息了吗？”

前门被砰地关上了，我听到查理在楼梯底下乒乒乓乓地收拾着他的装备。

“呃嗯。”我迟疑着，不敢肯定要怎么掰我的故事。

“嗨，你在啊，孩子！”查理一边走进厨房，一边喊道。我向他招了招手。

杰西听到了他的声音。“哦，你爸在啊。没关系——我们明天再聊。三角函数课上见。”

“回见，杰西。”我挂上了电话。

“嗨，爸爸。”我说道。他在水槽里擦洗着手。“鱼在哪里？”

“我放进冰箱里了。”

“我得抢在它们被冻起来以前拿点出来——下午时比利来过，带了一点哈利?克里尔沃特的煎鱼来。”我努力让自己听起来热情些。

“真的？”查理的眼睛发亮了。“那是我的最爱。”

在我准备晚餐的时候，查理动手把自己收拾干净。没过多久，我们俩就坐在了桌旁，沉默地吃着晚餐。查理很喜欢今晚的菜式。我则在拼命地想着要怎样进行自己的安排，挣扎着想要找出一种引出话题的办法。


========================

"That's wonderful, Jess," I said.
"So what did you do yesterday?" Jessica challenged, still sounding
bothered by my lack of attention. Or maybe she was upset because I hadn't
asked for details.
"Nothing, really. I just hung around outside to enjoy the sun."
I heard Charlie's car in the garage.
"Did you ever hear anything more from Edward Cullen?"
The front door slammed and I could hear Charlie banging around under the
stairs, putting his tackle away.
"Um." I hesitated, not sure what my story was anymore.
"Hi there, kiddo!" Charlie called as he walked into the kitchen. I waved
at him.
Jess heard his voice. "Oh, your dad's there. Never mind — we'll talk
tomorrow. See you in Trig."
"See ya, Jess." I hung up the phone.
"Hey, Dad," I said. He was scrubbing his hands in the sink. "Where's the
fish?"
"I put it out in the freezer."
"I'll go grab a few pieces before they freeze — Billy dropped off some of
Harry Clearwater's fish fry this afternoon." I worked to sound
enthusiastic.
"He did?" Charlie's eyes lit up. "That's my favorite."
Charlie cleaned up while I got dinner ready. It didn't take long till we
were sitting at the table, eating in silence. Charlie was enjoying his
food. I was wondering desperately how to fulfill my assignment,
struggling to think of a way to broach the subject.

阿汤哥

“你今天一个人都做了些什么？”他问道，猛地把我从沉思里拉了出来。

“嗯，今天下午我只是在屋外到处转了转……”事实上，只是在下午很晚的时候。我试图让自己的声音显得很快乐，但我实在是有些心虚。“还有今天早上，我去了卡伦家。”

查理的叉子掉了下来。

“卡伦医生那里？”他惊愕地问道。

我假装没注意到他的反应。“是的。”

“你去那里做什么？”他没有捡起他的叉子。

“嗯，我今晚跟爱德华?卡伦算是有个约会，而他想先把我介绍给他的父母……爸爸？”

查理看上去像是得了动脉瘤。

“爸爸，你还好吧？”

“你要和爱德华?卡伦出去？”他怒吼道。

啊噢。“我还以为你喜欢卡伦家的人。”

“他对你来说太老了。”他怒气冲冲地叫嚷着。

“我们都是高中生。”我更正道，虽然他比他料到的还要正确。

“等等……”他顿了顿。“哪个是埃德温？”

“爱德华是最小的那个，长着红棕色头发的那个。”最俊美的那个，最像天神的那个……

=====================

“哦，好吧，那”——他挣扎着——“好多了，我猜。我不喜欢那个老大的长相。我相信他各方面都是个不错的男孩，但他看上去太……对你来说，太成熟了。那个埃德温是你的男朋友吗？”

“是爱德华，爸爸。”

“他是吗？”

“我猜，某种程度上，是的。”

“你昨晚还说着你对镇上的男孩都没有兴趣。”但他又拿起了他的叉子，所以我知道最难熬的那段已经过去了。

“嗯，爱德华不住在镇上，爸爸。”

他咀嚼着，轻蔑地看了我一眼。

“还有，无论如何，”我继续说道。“我们才刚刚开始，你知道的。别再说什么男朋友不男朋友的，这太让我难为情了，”

“他要过来吗？”

“他几分钟后到。”

“他要带你去哪里？”

我大声地呻吟道。“我希望你已经把那种西班牙宗教法庭式的审讯方式从你脑子里丢开了。我们要去和他家里人一起打棒球。”

他皱起脸，最终轻笑起来。“你要打棒球？”

“嗯，大部分时间我可能会都在当观众。”

“你一定很喜欢那家伙。”他猜疑地评价道。

我叹息着，为着他的缘故，只是翻了翻白眼。