《Twilight 暮光之城Ⅰ——暮色》 （中英文对照·完结）

阿汤哥

“我做错什么了吗？”

“不——恰好相反。你快要让我发狂了。”我解释道。

他简略地想了想，然后当他说话的时候，他听起来很愉悦。“真的？”一个胜利的微笑慢慢浮现在他脸上。

“你需要来点掌声吗？”我讽刺地问道。

他咧嘴一笑。

“我只是又惊又喜。”他澄清道。“在过去的差不多一百年里，”他的声音有些苦恼，“我从没想象过任何类似这样的事情。我不相信我能找到我想要在一起的那个人……以不同于我的兄弟姐妹们的方式。然后，我找到了（我发现了），尽管这一切对我来说是全新的，我却如此擅长于此……只要和你在一起……”

“你擅长所有的事。”我指出来。

他耸耸肩，对此表示默认，然后我们都低声地大笑起来。

“可这一切现在为什么会变得那么容易呢？”我强调道。“今天下午……”

“这并不容易，”他叹息着说。“但今天下午，我依然……犹豫不决。我对此很抱歉，我居然做出那样的事，实在是不可原谅。”

“并不是不可原谅的。”我不同意。

“谢谢。”他笑了起来。“你看，”他继续说着，却垂下了头。“我不能肯定我是否足够坚强……”他拿起我的一只手，轻轻地按在他脸上。“依然存在着这样的可能性，我可能会被……征服”——他深吸着我手腕上的味道——“我还是……很容易受影响。只有当我下定决心时，我才足够坚强。这样才不会有任何可能性，任何我会……我可能……”

我从没见过他这样艰难地挣扎着，选择着合适的词语。这一切是那么的……像人类。

“所以现在没有任何可能性咯？”

======================

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No — the opposite. You're driving me crazy," I explained.

He considered that briefly, and when he spoke, he sounded pleased.
"Really?" A triumphant smile slowly lit his face.

"Would you like a round of applause?" I asked sarcastically.

He grinned.

"I'm just pleasantly surprised," he clarified. "In the last hundred years
or so," his voice was teasing, "I never imagined anything like this. I
didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with… in another
way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all
new to me, that I'm good at it… at being with you…"

"You're good at everything," I pointed out.

He shrugged, allowing that, and we both laughed in whispers.

"But how can it be so easy now?" I pressed. "This afternoon…"

"It's not easy," he sighed. "But this afternoon, I was still… undecided.
I am sorry about that, it was unforgivable for me to behave so."

"Not unforgivable," I disagreed.

"Thank you." He smiled. "You see," he continued, looking down now, "I
wasn't sure if I was strong enough…" He picked up one of my hands and
pressed it lightly to his face. "And while there was still that
possibility that I might be… overcome" — he breathed in the scent at my
wrist — "I was… susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong
enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would… that I ever
could…"

I'd never seen him struggle so hard for words. It was so… human.

"So there's no possibility now?"

阿汤哥

“精神胜于物质。”他重复道，笑了起来，他的皓齿即使在黑暗中依然是那么的明亮。

“哇噢，那就容易多了。”我说道。

他仰起头，大笑起来，安静地像在耳语，但依然生气勃勃。

“对你来说是容易！”他更正道，用指尖轻抚着我的鼻子。
然后他的脸忽然严峻起来。

“我在尝试。”他耳语道，他的声音充满了痛苦。“如果情况变得……太过头。我相当肯定我能够离开。”

我皱起眉。我不喜欢谈到离开。

“而明天这会变得更加艰难，”他继续说道。“今天一整天我的脑子里都是你的味道，我变得很不敏感了。如果我离开你一段时间的话，我又得从头开始了。不过，我想，至少不算是从零开始。”

“那就别离开。”我答道，无法藏起我声音里的渴望。

“这正合我意。”他回应道，他的脸放松下来，变成一个温柔的微笑。“戴上枷锁——我是你的囚徒。”但当他说着的时候，他长长的手臂环住了我的腰，形成了一个铁箍。他安静地笑起来，笑声有如天籁。他今晚笑得很多，比我和他在一起的所有时间里我所听到的还要多。

“你似乎……比平常更乐观了。”我评论道。“我之前从没见过你像这样。”

“不应该像这样吗？”他笑着说。“初恋的荣耀，还有所有的这一切。这简直难以置信，不是吗，经历过，与读到过，和在画里看到过，是如此的不一样？”

“非常不一样，”我赞同道。“比我想象过的还有强烈得多。”

===========================

"Mind over matter," he repeated, smiling, his teeth bright even in the
darkness.

"Wow, that was easy," I said.

He threw back his head and laughed, quietly as a whisper, but still
exuberantly.

"Easy for you!" he amended, touching my nose with his fingertip.

And then his face was abruptly serious.

"I'm trying," he whispered, his voice pained. "If it gets to be… too
much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave."

I scowled. I didn't like the talk of leaving.

"And it will be harder tomorrow," he continued. "I've had the scent of
you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm
away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not
quite from scratch, though, I think."

"Don't go away, then," I responded, unable to hide the longing in my
voice.

"That suits me," he replied, his face relaxing into a gentle smile.
"Bring on the shackles — I'm your prisoner." But his long hands formed
manacles around my wrists as he spoke. He laughed his quiet, musical
laugh. He'd laughed more tonight than I'd ever heard in all the time I'd
spent with him.

"You seem more… optimistic than usual," I observed. "I haven't seen you
like this before."

"Isn't it supposed to be like this?" He smiled. "The glory of first love,
and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading
about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"

"Very different," I agreed. "More forceful than I'd imagined."

阿汤哥

“例如”——他说话变得迅速起来，我不得不集中精力去捕捉每一个字——“嫉妒的情绪。我读到过这种情绪千万次，在一千部不同的戏剧和电影里看过演员对此的演绎。我相信自己对此的理解非常透彻，但它却震撼了我……”他扮了个鬼脸。“你还记得迈克邀请你去舞会那天吗？”

我点了点头，不过我记得那一天却是出于一个完全不同的理由。“那天你又开始和我说话了。”

“我被那阵一闪而过，几近狂暴的愤怒惊呆了，我所感觉到的——起初我根本分辨不出这是什么样的情绪。我不知道你在想什么，这种挫败感比平时来得还要严重，因为我不知道你为什么拒绝他。仅仅是为了你的朋友的缘故吗？还是为了某个人？我知道我没有权利去关心这些方面。我努力不让自己去关心这些。”

“然后排队邀请你的队伍开始形成了。”他轻笑起来。我在黑暗中把脸绷起来。

“我等待着，焦虑不安得毫无理由地，想要听到你会对他们说什么，想要看见你的表情。我无法否认，当看到你脸上烦恼的神情时，我感到一阵宽慰。但我不能肯定。

那是我第一次晚上来这里。当我看着你的睡容时，我整夜都在挣扎着，在我知道是正确的，合乎道德的，合乎伦理的，和我想要的之间挣扎着，有如困于深谷之中。我知道如果我做我该做的事，继续无视你，或者离开几年，直到你走回再回来，那么总有一天，你会对迈克，或者类似的人，点头应许的。这种想法让我愤怒。

然后，”他耳语道。“当你睡着的时候，你说出了我的名字。你说得那么清晰，开始我还以为你醒着。可你不得安生地翻来覆去，又一次喃喃地念着我的名字，还叹息着。胆怯和震惊的感觉传遍了我的全身。然后我知道，我再也无法无视你了。”他沉默了片刻，也许是在听我的心脏突如其来的砰砰乱响。
“可是嫉妒……是一件奇怪的事情。远比我曾经想到过的，更为有力。而且不合常理！就在刚才，当查理向你问到那个卑鄙的迈克?牛顿……”他生气地摇着头。

“我应该知道你在听的。”我呻吟着。

“当然。”

“不过，这让你感到了嫉妒，真的？”

=======================

"For example" — his words flowed swiftly now, I had to concentrate to
catch it all — "the emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred
thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and
movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked
me…" He grimaced. "Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the
dance?"

I nodded, though I remembered that day for a different reason. "The day
you started talking to me again."

"I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt — I
didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than
usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him.
Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I
had no right to care either way. I tried not to care.

"And then the line started forming," he chuckled. I scowled in the
darkness.

"I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to
watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the
annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure.

"That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while
watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral,
ethical, and what I wanted. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I
should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday
you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry.

"And then," he whispered, "as you were sleeping, you said my name. You
spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over
restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that
coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't
ignore you any longer." He was silent for a moment, probably listening to
the suddenly uneven pounding of my heart.

"But jealousy… it's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would
have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that
vile Mike Newton…" He shook his head angrily.

"I should have known you'd be listening," I groaned.

"Of course."

"That made you feel jealous, though, really?"

阿汤哥

“我在这方面完全是个新手；你唤醒了我身上属于人类的感情，而且每一种感觉都更为强烈，因为它们对我来说都是新奇的存在。”

“但诚恳地说，”我揶揄道，“和困扰着你的这一切相比，在我听说了罗莎莉——罗莎莉，那个纯净的美的化身，罗莎莉——对你的意义以后，有艾美特或者没有艾美特，我又怎能和她竞争呢？”

“这完全没有可比性。”他的牙齿隐约可见。他拉起我受困的双手，环绕着他的背，然后把我抱在他的胸前。我尽可能保持静止不动，甚至是小心翼翼地呼吸着。

“我知道这完全没有可比性。”我对着他冰冷的肌肤嘟哝着。“这才是问题所在。”

“当然，罗莎莉是她那种类型的美人，但即使她对我来说不像是个妹妹，即使艾美特没有和她在一起，她也永远不可能得到你从我这里得到的，十分之一，不，百分之一的注意力。”他现在很认真，露出深思熟虑的神情。“在差不多九十年的时光里，我在自己的同类中，还有你的同类中度过……我始终想着自己，完全没有察觉到我在寻找着什么。也什么都没找到，因为你还没出现在这个世界上。”

“这太不公平了。”我耳语道。我的脸依然紧贴在他的胸口，听着他的呼吸。“我根本不用等待。为什么我能这么容易就得到了呢？”

“你说得很对，”他打趣地赞同道。“确实，我应该让这对你来说更艰难些的。”他松开了一只手，放开我的腰，只是为了更小心地用另一只手抱紧我。他温柔地捋着我微湿的头发，从我的头顶一直捋到我的腰间。“你只需要在和我在一起的每一分钟都冒着生命危险。这确实还不太够。你只需要背离天性，背离人性……这些的代价有多大？”

“非常小——我从未感觉到被剥夺任何事情。”

“只是还没有。”他的声音突然充满了远古的悲伤。

我试图拉回身子，好看着他的脸，但他的手紧紧扣着我的腰，完全挣脱不开。

“什么——”我正要问，他的身体忽然警觉起来。我僵住了，但他立刻放开了我的手，然后消失了。我只能勉强不让自己趴倒在床上。

“躺下！”他嘘声说道。在黑暗中我分辨不出他的声音是从哪里传出来的。

==========================

"I'm new at this; you're resurrecting the human in me, and everything

feels stronger because it's fresh."

"But honestly," I teased, "for that to bother you, after I have to hear
that Rosalie — Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, Rosalie — was
meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?"

"There's no competition." His teeth gleamed. He drew my trapped hands
around his back, holding me to his chest. I kept as still as I could,
even breathing with caution.

"I know there's no competition," I mumbled into his cold skin. "That's
the problem."

"Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a
sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have
one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me." He was
serious now, thoughtful. "For almost ninety years I've walked among my
kind, and yours… all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not
realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you
weren't alive yet."

"It hardly seems fair," I whispered, my face still resting on his chest,
listening to his breath come and go. "I haven't had to wait at all. Why
should I get off so easily?"

"You're right," he agreed with amusement. "I should make this harder for
you, definitely." He freed one of his hands, released my wrist, only to
gather it carefully into his other hand. He stroked my wet hair softly,
from the top of my head to my waist. "You only have to risk your life
every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to
turn your back on nature, on humanity… what's that worth?"

"Very little — I don't feel deprived of anything."

"Not yet." And his voice was abruptly full of ancient grief.

I tried to pull back, to look in his face, but his hand locked my wrists
in an unbreakable hold.

"What —" I started to ask, when his body became alert. I froze, but he
suddenly released my hands, and disappeared. I narrowly avoided falling
on my face.

"Lie down!" he hissed. I couldn't tell where he spoke from in the
darkness.

阿汤哥

我在被子底下蜷缩起来，弓着身子侧躺着，就像我平时睡觉时那样。我听到门被推开了，查理溜进来，确认我是否在应该在的地方。我平稳地呼吸着，夸大着这个动作。

漫长的一分钟过去了。我听着，但不能确认我是否听到了门关上的声音。然后爱德华冰冷的胳膊在被子下抱住我，他的唇紧贴着我的耳朵。

“你真是个蹩脚的演员——我敢说演艺之路离你遥不可及。”

“倒霉！”我喃喃低语道。我的心在我的胸口剧烈跳动着。
他哼起了一首曲子，我认不出来是什么曲子，听起来像是一首摇篮曲。

他停了下来。“我能唱着歌让你入睡吗？”

“很好，”我大笑起来。“就好像有你在这里我还能睡着一样！”

“你一直都是这样做的。”他提醒我。

“可我不知道你在这里。”我冷淡地回应道。

“所以如果你不想睡觉……”他无视我的语气，提议道。我屏住了呼吸。

“如果我不想睡觉……？”

他轻笑起来。“那你想做什么？”

我没办法立刻回答。

“我不能肯定。”我最终说道。

“等你决定了，告诉我。”

我能感觉到他冰冷的呼吸轻拂着我的脖子，感觉到他的鼻子滑过我的下颌，吸着气。

======================

I rolled under my quilt, balling up on my side, the way I usually slept.
I heard the door crack open, as Charlie peeked in to make sure I was
where I was supposed to be. I breathed evenly, exaggerating the movement.

A long minute passed. I listened, not sure if I'd heard the door close.
Then Edward's cool arm was around me, under the covers, his lips at my
ear.

"You are a terrible actress — I'd say that career path is out for you."

"Darn it," I muttered. My heart was crashing in my chest.

He hummed a melody I didn't recognize; it sounded like a lullaby.

He paused. "Should I sing you to sleep?"

"Right," I laughed. "Like I could sleep with you here!"

"You do it all the time," he reminded me.

"But I didn't know you were here," I replied icily.

"So if you don't want to sleep…" he suggested, ignoring my tone. My
breath caught.

"If I don't want to sleep… ?"

He chuckled. "What do you want to do then?"

I couldn't answer at first.

"I'm not sure," I finally said.

"Tell me when you decide."

I could feel his cool breath on my neck, feel his nose sliding along my
jaw, inhaling.

阿汤哥

“我想你没那么敏感了。”

“这只是因为，我克制着自己不去品尝美酒，但不意味着我不懂得欣赏酒的芬芳。”他耳语道。“你的味道如同花香，像薰衣草……或者鸢尾，”他评价道。“这令人垂涎欲滴。”

“是啊，今天是一个休息日，如果不是有人告诉我我闻起来有多么好吃的话。”

他轻笑起来，然后叹了口气。

“我已经决定我想要做什么了，”我告诉他。“我想听到更多关于你的事。”

“问什么都行。”

我仔细筛选着我的问题，从最重要的先开始。“你为什么要这样做？”我说。“我还是不明白你为什么要这样努力地去抵抗你……的本性。请不要误会，当然我很欣赏你所做的一切。我只是看不懂你起初为什么会如此费心地做这件事。”

他迟疑着，然后回答道。“这是个好问题，你不是第一个这样问的人。别人——我们的同类中的大多数人都满足于我们的命运——他们，同样，怀疑着我们的生活方式。但你看，只因为我们被……被分配到了确定的方向……这并不意味着我们就不能选择去克服——去征服一个我们都不想要的命运的界限。努力去保留我们所能留住的任何本质的人性。”

我一动不动地躺着，满怀敬畏地锁定在沉默中。

“你睡着了吗？”几分钟以后，他低语道。

“没有。”

“这就是你好奇着的全部事情了？”

我转了转眼睛。“当然不是。”

“你还想知道什么？”


=======================

"I thought you were desensitized."

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the
bouquet," he whispered. "You have a very floral smell, like lavender… or
freesia," he noted. "It's mouthwatering."

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I
smell."

He chuckled, and then sighed.

"I've decided what I want to do," I told him. "I want to hear more about
you."

"Ask me anything."

I sifted through my questions for the most vital. "Why do you do it?" I
said. "I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what
you… are. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that you do. I
just don't see why you would bother in the first place."

He hesitated before answering. "That's a good question, and you are not
the first one to ask it. The others — the majority of our kind who are
quite content with our lot — they, too, wonder at how we live. But you
see, just because we've been… dealt a certain hand… it doesn't mean that
we can't choose to rise above — to conquer the boundaries of a destiny
that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we
can."

I lay unmoving, locked in awed silence.

"Did you fall asleep?" he whispered after a few minutes.

"No."

"Is that all you were curious about?"

I rolled my eyes. "Not quite."

"What else do you want to know?"

阿汤哥

“为什么你可以读心——为什么只有你能？还有爱丽丝，她能看见未来……为什么会发生这样的事呢？”

我感觉到他在黑暗中耸了耸肩。“我们不能确切地知道是为什么。卡莱尔有一个理论……他相信我们都把自己的最强烈的人类特质带进了第二次生命中，而在这次生命里，它们被强化了——就像我们的头脑，和我们的感觉一样。他认为从前的我一定对周围人的想法非常地敏感。而爱丽丝，不管她之前待在哪里，她拥有某种预知的能力。”

“他把什么带进了他的第二次生命，还有别人呢？”

“卡莱尔带来了他的怜悯心。艾思梅带来了她强烈的爱的能力。艾美特带来了他的强壮，罗莎莉带来了她的……固执。也许你可以称之为执迷不悟。”他轻笑起来。“贾斯帕非常地有趣。他在第一次生命中非常地有领导魅力，能够影响周围的人，让他们按他的方式去看待事情。现在他能够操纵周围人的情绪——例如，让一屋子愤怒的人冷静下来，或者相反地，让一群昏昏欲睡的人亢奋起来。这是一种非常不可思议的天赋。”
我思索着他所描述的那些不可思议的事情，试图把它们消化掉。他耐心地等待着我的思考。

“那么一切是怎么开始的呢？我是指，卡莱尔转变了你，而一定是有某人转变了他，然后诸如此类……”

“好吧，你是从哪里来的？进化论？造物论？难道我们不能像别的物种一样进化吗，掠食者和被掠食者？或者，如果你不相信整个世界的起源就是它现在这个样子——这一点让我很难接受我自己——有这么难相信是那种创造了精致的天使鱼和鲨鱼，小海豹和杀人鲸的力量，一起创造了我们的种族吗？”

“让我来把事情理清楚——我是小海豹，对吧？”

“没错。”他大笑起来，然后某种东西触碰着我的头发——他的唇？

我想要转向他，想看看是不是真的是他的唇在吻着我的发。但我得乖一点，我不想让情况变得对他来说更为艰难，这已经很难为他了。

“你准备要睡了吗？”他问道，打断了这阵短暂的沉默。“或者说，你还有任何问题要问吗？”

“只剩一两百万个。”

“我们还有明天，后头，大后天……”他提醒我。我微笑着，对这个念头很是愉悦。

===========================

"Why can you read minds — why only you? And Alice, seeing the future… why
does that happen?"

I felt him shrug in the darkness. "We don't really know. Carlisle has a
theory… he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human
traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified — like our
minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very
sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some
precognition, wherever she was."

"What did he bring into the next life, and the others?"

"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love
passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her… tenacity. Or you
could call it pigheadedness." he chuckled. "Jasper is very interesting.
He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those
around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the
emotions of those around him — calm down a room of angry people, for
example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle

gift."

I considered the impossibilities he described, trying to take it in. He
waited patiently while I thought.

"So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then
someone must have changed him, and so on…"

"Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have
evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you
don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own,
which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the
same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby
seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?"

"Let me get this straight — I'm the baby seal, right?"

"Right." He laughed, and something touched my hair — his lips?

I wanted to turn toward him, to see if it was really his lips against my
hair. But I had to be good; I didn't want to make this any harder for him
than it already was.

"Are you ready to sleep?" he asked, interrupting the short silence. "Or
do you have any more questions?"

"Only a million or two."

"We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next…" he reminded me. I
smiled, euphoric at the thought.

阿汤哥

“你确定你不会在早上消失不见？”我想得到确认。“毕竟，你是个谜。”

“我不会离开你的。”他的声音里有着绝对保证的意味。

“那么，最后一个，今晚……”我脸红了。黑暗毫无作用——我确定他能感觉到我肌肤下突如其来的热度。

“那是什么？”

“不，忘掉它，我改变注意了。”

“贝拉，你可以问我任何问题。”

我没有回答，然后他呻吟着说。

“我一直认为这件事，听不到你的想法，会渐渐变得不那么让我挫败，。但这只是越来越糟。”

“我很高兴你不能读我的心。这和你偷听我说梦话一样糟。”

“求你了？”他的声音是那么的有说服力，那么的难以抗拒。

我摇了摇头。

“如果你不告诉我，我只会把它想得比它本身还要糟。”他阴森森地恐吓道。“求你了？”又来了，那种恳求的语气。

“好吧，”我开始说道，很高兴他看不见我的脸。

“嗯？”

“你说罗莎莉和艾美特很快就要结婚了……那种……婚姻……和人类的婚姻一样吗？”

现在他真诚地笑了起来，完全明白过来。“那就是你说的意思吗？”

========================

"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning?" I wanted this to be
certain. "You are mythical, after all."

"I won't leave you." His voice had the seal of a promise in it.

"One more, then, tonight…" And I blushed. The darkness was no help — I'm
sure he could feel the sudden warmth under my skin.

"What is it?"

"No, forget it. I changed my mind."

"Bella, you can ask me anything."

I didn't answer, and he groaned.

"I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts.
But it just gets worse and worse."

"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop
on my sleep-talking."

"Please?" His voice was so persuasive, so impossible to resist.

I shook my head.

"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it
is," he threatened darkly. "Please?" Again, that pleading voice.

"Well," I began, glad that he couldn't see my face.

"Yes?"

"You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon… Is that…
marriage… the same as it is for humans?"

He laughed in earnest now, understanding. "Is that what you're getting
at?"

阿汤哥

我不安着，没办法作出回答。

“是的，我想这是一样的。”他说道。“我告诉过你，大多数人类的欲望都还存在着，只是隐藏在了更为强烈的欲望之后。”

“哦，”是我所能说的全部的话了。

“你的好奇心背后有什么意图吗？”

“嗯，我确实怀疑……关于你和我……终有一天……”

他立刻严肃起来，我能从他身体忽然的静止中分辨出来。我也僵住了，完全是下意识的反应。

“我不认为这……这……对我们来说有任何的可能性。”

“因为这对你来说太困难了，如果我是那么的……靠近的话？”
“这确实是个问题。但不是我在想的问题。这只是因为你太柔软了，太脆弱了。我不得不每时每刻都注意着自己的动作，这样我们在一起时我才不会伤到你。我依然很有可能杀了你，贝拉，即使只是意外。”他的声音变成了一种柔和的喃喃低语。他把他冰冷的手掌放到了我的脸颊上。“如果我太草率……如果有一秒我没有给予足够的注意力，我可能伸出手，本来是想抚摸你的脸，然后错误地压碎了你的头盖骨。你不会意识到，你自己是那么的易碎，柔弱得让人难以置信。当我和你在一起的时候，我绝对，绝对不能有半点的失控。”

他等着我回答，但我没有，他开始不安起来。“你吓到了？”他问道。

我等了一分钟才回答，以便说出的是真话。“不，我很好。”

他似乎深思熟虑了片刻。“不过，现在我很好奇。”他说道，他的声音又轻松起来。“你曾经……？”他的声音逐渐减弱，让人浮想联翩。

“当然没有。”我满脸通红。“我告诉过你，我之前从未对别人有过这种感觉，甚至没这么靠近过。”

“我知道。这只是因为我能知道别人的想法。我知道爱和性并不总是结伴而行的。”

========================

I fidgeted, unable to answer.

"Yes, I suppose it is much the same," he said. "I told you, most of those
human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."

"Oh," was all I could say.

"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?"

"Well, I did wonder… about you and me… someday…"

He was instantly serious, I could tell by the sudden stillness of his
body. I froze, too, reacting automatically.

"I don't think that… that… would be possible for us."

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that… close?"

"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's
just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every
moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you
quite easily, Bella, simply by accident." His voice had become just a
soft murmur. He moved his icy palm to rest it against my cheek. "If I was
too hasty… if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could
reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake.
You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never
afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."

He waited for me to respond, growing anxious when I didn't. "Are you
scared?" he asked.

I waited for a minute to answer, so the words would be true. "No. I'm
fine."

He seemed to deliberate for a moment. "I'm curious now, though," he said,
his voice light again. "Have you ever… ?" He trailed off suggestively.

"Of course not." I flushed. "I told you I've never felt like this about
anyone before, not even close."

"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and
lust don't always keep the same company."

阿汤哥

“它们对我来说是这样的。现在，无论如何，它们已经这样发生在我身上了。”我叹息道。
“很好，至少，我们有一点共通的地方。”他听起来很满意。
“你的人类直觉……”我开始说道，他等待着。“嗯，到底，你发现我有吸引力吗，在那个方面，？”
他大笑起来，然后轻轻地弄乱了我几乎全干了的头发。
“我也许不是个人类，但我是个男人。”他向我保证。
我无意地打了个哈欠。
“我已经回答了你的问题了，现在你该睡觉了。”他坚持道。
“我不能肯定我能否睡着。”
“你想要我离开吗？”
“不！”我说道太大声了。
他大笑起来，然后又开始哼原来那首不熟悉的摇篮曲了，那个天使的声音，在我的耳中显得那么的温柔。
在这漫长的充满了我从未感觉过的精神压力和情绪波动的一天以后，我筋疲力尽，比我感觉到的还有疲倦。我在他冰冷的怀中沉沉睡去。

==================================

"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all," I sighed.
"That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least." He sounded
satisfied.
"Your human instincts…" I began. He waited. "Well, do you find me
attractive, in that way, at all?"
He laughed and lightly rumpled my nearly dry hair.
"I may not be a human, but I am a man," he assured me.
I yawned involuntarily.
"I've answered your questions, now you should sleep," he insisted.
"I'm not sure if I can."
"Do you want me to leave?"
"No!" I said too loudly.
He laughed, and then began to hum that same, unfamiliar lullaby; the
voice of an archangel, soft in my ear.
More tired than I realized, exhausted from the long day of mental and
emotional stress like I'd never felt before, I drifted to sleep in his
cold arms.

END

阿汤哥

第十五章 卡伦一家

又一个多云的早晨，暗哑的光最终把我弄醒了。我把胳膊压在眼睛上，晕乎乎的，一片茫然。有件事情，一个梦境，试图被记起来，挣扎着闯入我的意识中。我呻吟着，翻过身来侧躺着，想要再睡一会儿。然后那个特别的一天如潮水般拥入了我的认知里。

“哦！”我坐起来得太快，头开始晕起来。

“你的头发看起来像个干草堆……但我喜欢这样。”他安静的声音从角落里的那张摇椅传来。

“爱德华！你留下来了！”我欣喜若狂，不假思索地把自己扔过整个房间，落到他的膝上。但等到我的思路跟上我的动作，我立刻僵住了，被自己完全失控的狂热震撼到了。我仰起脸看着他，生怕我又踩过了错误的底线。

但他大笑起来。

“当然。”他吃惊地答道，但似乎对我的反应很是高兴。他的手摩挲着，把我抱回怀里。

我小心地把头靠在他的肩膀上，细嗅着他肌肤上的芳香。

“我本来还认定，那只是一个梦。”

“你没那么有创造力。”他嘲弄道。

“查理！”我这才记起来，再次不假思索地跳起来，落到地板上。

“他一个小时以前就走了——在重新接上了你的电池线以后，我得补充这一点。我不得不承认我很失望。这真的能阻止你吗，如果你下定决心要走的话？”

我站在原地，仔细思考着，我迫切想要回到他怀里，但有害怕自己早上口气不清新。

“你早上通常很少这样烦恼的。”他指出来。他张开双臂，要我回到他怀里。一个几乎不可抗拒的邀请。

“我需要另一分钟当回人类。”我坦白道。
=========================

15. THE CULLENS


The muted light of yet another cloudy day eventually woke me. I lay with
my arm across my eyes, groggy and dazed. Something, a dream trying to be
remembered, struggled to break into my consciousness. I moaned and rolled
on my side, hoping more sleep would come. And then the previous day
flooded back into my awareness.

"Oh!" I sat up so fast it made my head spin.

"Your hair looks like a haystack… but I like it." His unruffled voice
came from the rocking chair in the corner.

"Edward! You stayed!" I rejoiced, and thoughtlessly threw myself across
the room and into his lap. In the instant that my thoughts caught up with
my actions, I froze, shocked by my own uncontrolled enthusiasm. I stared
up at him, afraid that I had crossed the wrong line.

But he laughed.

"Of course," he answered, startled, but seeming pleased by my reaction.
His hands rubbed my back.

I laid my head cautiously against his shoulder, breathing in the smell of
his skin.

"I was sure it was a dream."

"You're not that creative," he scoffed.

"Charlie!" I remembered, thoughtlessly jumping up again and heading to
the door.

"He left an hour ago — after reattaching your battery cables, I might
add. I have to admit I was disappointed. Is that really all it would take
to stop you, if you were determined to go?"

I deliberated where I stood, wanting to return to him badly, but afraid I
might have morning breath.

"You're not usually this confused in the morning," he noted. He held his
arms open for me to return. A nearly irresistible invitation.

"I need another human minute," I admitted.

阿汤哥

“我会等的。”

我跳着奔向浴室，无法识别出自己现在是什么样的情绪。我不认识我自己了，不管是内在还是外在。镜中的脸根本就是一个陌生人——眼睛太过明亮，点点红晕掠过我的颧骨。在我刷完牙以后，我设法梳直自己乱糟糟的头发。我溅起冷水洗脸，试图让呼吸变得自然些，却看不出来有半点效果。我几乎是跑着回到了房间。

他仍在那里，简直像是个奇迹，他的双臂依然在等着我。他伸出手够到我，我的心开始砰砰乱跳。

“欢迎回来。”他喃喃低语着，把我拉进怀里。

他沉默地摇着我，过了一会儿，我才注意到他换了衣服，他的头发很平整。

“你离开了？”我抓住他新换上了的衬衣的领子，控诉道。

“我不能穿着我来时的衣服离开——邻居们会怎么想？”

我不悦地撅起嘴。

“你睡得很沉，我没有错过任何东西。”他的眼睛闪闪发亮。“梦话提前了。”

我呻吟起来。“你听到了什么？”

他金色的眸子变得非常温柔。“你说你爱我。”

“你早就知道的。”我提醒他，不由得垂下了头。

“那还是一样，听到你亲口说出来让我很高兴。”

我把脸埋在他肩膀上。

“我爱你。”我耳语着。
===============

"I'll wait."

I skipped to the bathroom, my emotions unrecognizable. I didn't know
myself, inside or out. The face in the mirror was practically a stranger
— eyes too bright, hectic spots of red across my cheekbones. After I
brushed my teeth, I worked to straighten out the tangled chaos that was
my hair. I splashed my face with cold water, and tried to breathe
normally, with no noticeable success. I half-ran back to my room.

It seemed like a miracle that he was there, his arms still waiting for
me. He reached out to me, and my heart thumped unsteadily.

"Welcome back," he murmured, taking me into his arms.

He rocked me for a while in silence, until I noticed that his clothes
were changed, his hair smooth.

"You left?" I accused, touching the collar of his fresh shirt.

"I could hardly leave in the clothes I came in — what would the neighbors
think?"

I pouted.

"You were very deeply asleep; I didn't miss anything." His eyes gleamed.
"The talking came earlier."

I groaned. "What did you hear?"

His gold eyes grew very soft. "You said you loved me."

"You knew that already," I reminded him, ducking my head.

"It was nice to hear, just the same."

I hid my face against his shoulder.

"I love you," I whispered.

阿汤哥

“而现在，你就是我的生命。”他只答道。

此时此刻，我们再也没有更多的话要说了。他来来回回地摇着我们，房间里渐渐明亮了起来。

“早餐时间到。”他最终若无其事地说到——这是一种保证，我敢肯定，他在保证他会记得我所有的人类弱点。

所以，我双手扼住自己的喉咙，盯着他看。震惊的神情掠过了他的脸。

“上当了！”我窃笑着，“你还说我不会演戏！”

他厌恶地皱起眉：“这一点也不有趣。”

“这很有趣，你知道的。”但我仔细地审视着他金色的眼镜，想知道自己是否被原谅了。很显然，我被赦免了。

“我应该这样改述吗？”他问道。“人类的早餐时间到。”

“哦，好吧。”

他温柔地把我扔到他石头一样的肩膀上，但动作快得让我透不过起来。他轻而易举地把我抱下楼，我伉仪过，但被他无视了。他把我放到一张椅子上。

厨房显得既明朗又欢快，似乎被我的情绪感染到了。

“早餐吃什么？”我快活地问道。

这个问题让他想了足足一分钟。

“呃，我不能肯定。你喜欢吃什么？”他大理石般的额头皱了起来。

我咧嘴一笑，跳了起来。

“那好吧，我可是很擅长自力更生的。看着我怎么狩猎。”

================

"You are my life now," he answered simply.

There was nothing more to say for the moment. He rocked us back and forth
as the room grew lighter.

"Breakfast time," he said eventually, casually — to prove, I'm sure, that
he remembered all my human frailties.

So I clutched my throat with both hands and stared at him with wide eyes.
Shock crossed his face.

"Kidding!" I snickered. "And you said I couldn't act!"

He frowned in disgust. "That wasn't funny."

"It was very funny, and you know it." But I examined his gold eyes
carefully, to make sure that I was forgiven. Apparently, I was.

"Shall I rephrase?" he asked. "Breakfast time for the human."

"Oh, okay."

He threw me over his stone shoulder, gently, but with a swiftness that
left me breathless. I protested as he carried me easily down the stairs,
but he ignored me. He sat me right side up on a chair.

The kitchen was bright, happy, seeming to absorb my mood.

"What's for breakfast?" I asked pleasantly.

That threw him for a minute.

"Er, I'm not sure. What would you like?" His marble brow puckered.

I grinned, hopping up.

"That's all right, I fend for myself pretty well. Watch me hunt."

阿汤哥

我找出一只碗和一盒麦片。当我把牛奶倒进去，抓起一把勺子的时候，我能感觉到他的眼睛在看着我。我把自己的食物放到桌子上，然后停住了。

“需要我给你弄点什么吃的吗？”我不想显得太过无礼，于是问道。

他转了转眼睛。“吃吧，贝拉。”

我坐到桌子旁，看着他，然后吃了一口。他注视着我，研究着我的每一个动作。这让我很不自在。我咽下嘴里的食物，开口说话，想要分散他的注意力。

“今天有什么安排吗？”我问道。

“呃嗯……”我看着他仔细地斟酌着自己的答案。“你觉得去见我的家里人怎么样？”

我吞咽了一下。

“你现在害怕了？”他听起来满怀希望。

“是的。”我坦白道。我怎么可能否认呢——他从我眼里就能看出来。

“别担心。”他坏笑起来。“我会保护你的。”

“我不是在害怕他们。”我解释道。“我是在害怕他们会……不喜欢我。难道他们不会，嗯，很惊讶，你居然带了一个……像我这样的人……回家去见他们？他们知道我知道他们的事吗？”

“哦，他们早就都知道了。他们昨天还在打赌，你知道”——他微笑着，但他的声音有些生涩——“打赌我会不会带你回来。不过，我想不出有谁敢跟爱丽丝打赌。无论如何，我们家里是没有什么秘密的。这确实不太可能，因为我能读心，而爱丽丝能看见未来的所有事情。”

“而贾斯帕会让你感受到温暖，不知不觉地说出了心里话，别忘了这一点。”

“你注意到了。”他赞许地笑了起来。

====================

I found a bowl and a box of cereal. I could feel his eyes on me as I
poured the milk and grabbed a spoon. I sat my food on the table, and then
paused.

"Can I get you anything?" I asked, not wanting to be rude.

He rolled his eyes. "Just eat, Bella."

I sat at the table, watching him as I took a bite. He was gazing at me,
studying my every movement. It made me self-conscious. I cleared my mouth
to speak, to distract him.

"What's on the agenda for today?" I asked.

"Hmmm…" I watched him frame his answer carefully. "What would you say to
meeting my family?"

I gulped.

"Are you afraid now?" He sounded hopeful.

"Yes," I admitted; how could I deny it — he could see my eyes.

"Don't worry." He smirked. "I'll protect you."

"I'm not afraid of them," I explained. "I'm afraid they won't… like me.
Won't they be, well, surprised that you would bring someone… like me…
home to meet them? Do they know that I know about them?"

"Oh, they already know everything. They'd taken bets yesterday, you know"
— he smiled, but his voice was harsh — "on whether I'd bring you back,
though why anyone would bet against Alice, I can't imagine. At any rate,
we don't have secrets in the family. It's not really feasible, what with
my mind reading and Alice seeing the future and all that."

"And Jasper making you feel all warm and fuzzy about spilling your guts,
don't forget that."

"You paid attention," he smiled approvingly.

阿汤哥

“我早就时不时地了解到了这一点。”我咧嘴一笑。“所以爱丽丝看到我来了？”

他的反应很奇怪。“类似于这样的事情。”他很不自在地说道，扭头看向别处，这样我就看不到他的眼睛了。我好奇地盯着他看。

“这是什么好东西吗？”他问道，突然回过头来看着我，脸上露出揶揄的神情看着我的食物。“老实说，这看上去让人很不开胃。”

“好吧，这里可没什么暴躁的灰熊……”我喃喃自语着，无视他的怒目而视。我还是想知道，为什么当我提到爱丽丝的时候，他会是那种反应。我扒拉着我的麦片，思索着。

他站在厨房的中间，又变成了一尊阿多尼斯的雕像，心不在焉地向后窗外看去。

然后他回过头来看着我，露出了一抹令人心碎的微笑。

“我想，你也应该向你父亲正式介绍我。”

“他已经认识你了。”我提醒他。

“我是指，作为你的男朋友。”

我怀疑地盯着他。“为什么？”
“这不是习俗吗？”他一脸无辜地问道。

“我不知道。”我坦白道。我的约会史没给我提供多少可供参考的注意事项。而且也没什么正常的约会指南可以用在现在这个状况。

“这没什么必要，你知道。我不希望你……我是说，你不必为了我而假装。”

他耐心地笑着：“我没在假装。”

我把剩下的麦片扒拉到碗边，端起来倒到嘴里。

“你到底有没有打算告诉查理我是你的男朋友？”他诘问道。

==================


"I've been known to do that every now and then." I grimaced. "So did
Alice see me coming?"

His reaction was strange. "Something like that," he said uncomfortably,
turning away so I couldn't see his eyes. I stared at him curiously.

"Is that any good?" he asked, turning back to me abruptly and eyeing my
breakfast with a teasing look on his face. "Honestly, it doesn't look
very appetizing."

"Well, it's no irritable grizzly…" I murmured, ignoring him when he
glowered. I was still wondering why he responded that way when I
mentioned Alice. I hurried through my cereal, speculating.

He stood in the middle of the kitchen, the statue of Adonis again,
staring abstractedly out the back windows.

Then his eyes were back on me, and he smiled his heartbreaking smile.

"And you should introduce me to your father, too, I think."

"He already knows you," I reminded him.

"As your boyfriend, I mean."

I stared at him with suspicion. "Why?"

"Isn't that customary?" he asked innocently.

"I don't know," I admitted. My dating history gave me few reference
points to work with. Not that any normal rules of dating applied here.
"That's not necessary, you know. I don't expect you to… I mean, you don't
have to pretend for me."

His smile was patient. "I'm not pretending."

I pushed the remains of my cereal around the edges of the bowl, biting my
lip.

"Are you going to tell Charlie I'm your boyfriend or not?" he demanded.